Alpha Lord

Even the strongest fall victim to trauma

Shit. Didn't think of that. I thought I had all the scenes separated.

"I got it from him. He remembered what happened and shared the scene with his friends."

"A baby remembering what happened in such detail so many years later to paint such a detailed scene?"

"It was a traumatic experience, I guess. It's not like it was some minor event that is easy to forget. It followed him in the form of shouts, sarcastic comments and later on whispers, he was constantly reminded of it, so he wasn't allowed the luxury of forgetting."

He didn't say anything. In the next scene I pointed out Hermione fighting three death eaters at once and winning. One of them was a pureblood.

"That's one of my best friends. She is a muggleborn and she just beat the asses out of three of your high-ranking death eaters, one being a pureblood at that. I told you if you just stopped being blinded by your circumstances you will see that they have potential. A lot of potential to defeat even the highest-ranking pureblood. Do you really want to turn down so much talented people? That is why you lost the war."

The scenes flitted through and way too soon, we were at the last two scenes. Why did I decide to watch this again? I didn't really think it through, I was just focused on the war scene and forgot that I had put these in. I braced myself and just hoped that I won't be as affected as I was before. I never dwelled on this, I just locked up the memory and ignored it in hopes that it will fade away. I didn't even look at them just now when I took them out, I had death do it. The scene slowly, almost mockingly brightened and the first thing to leak through were the sounds. The screaming, crying, growling. I closed my eyes, squeezing them tightly together but it wasn't enough to block out the vivid images that had engrained into my memories. What was locked for decades now forced their way up to the front, looping in one massive play poking fun at my mistakes. I felt bile rising up to my throat, I was suddenly a child again, so fucking scared and desperate but unable to do anything as I was forced to watch the creature I've become maul my friends to death. Their screams and pleas only spurring me on as I relish in the taste of their blood. Everyone around me had the same fate. Some of us attackers unwilling, held prison to our own desires while others matched the ferocity of their other form. I heaved, vomiting. The body I'm in, unable to stand anymore, fell to the floor as I continued to empty the contents of my stomach. 

"A fucking baby!! What is wrong with it? Whose kid is that? Where did you go child? Get this baby away before I kill it. How did it get here? Do you know it, is it dying?"

I barely register his words. The charm must have dropped so he can see me. I don't have the strength to keep it up and death can't follow me here. As much as I would rather him not see me like this, I have no choice. The scenes only increased in speed and loudness. All the specific voices merging into one accusing me of killing them on purpose and telling me how I didn't deserve to know them. It's true, I thought. I don't deserve you but I'm trying to fix it, I promise. Please believe me. I am sorry. Their voices are so real and haunting. Everything went dark and I welcomed the relief.