Jaspar: I Still Love You Though

Just Friends?

Authors Note: This is a continuation from Jaspar Reunited, but not all of my fics will be connected to each other.

June 13, 2015

It was 3 o'clock in the morning, and Caspar was still awake. That meant in California it was seven o'clock. Joe had fallen asleep a long time ago, so Caspar resorted to his phone, scrolling through photos, double tapping them, searching up his name on google, doing all that he could to entertain himself. After a couple minutes, he was bored. He plugged his phone into its charger and rested it on the nearby nightstand.

    Caspar turned to look at Joe. He reached out and fingered the soft, floppy, dirty-blonde hair. That little boy was always complaining about how it never looked right, but in this dim light, it looked angelic.  Small flecks of blonde shone back at Caspar. He caught a whiff of his shampoo. Caspar closed his eyes and lost himself in the scent.

     Once the scent had faded, he opened his eyes again. This time he noticed the boy's arms. Joe was extremely strong. With his finger, Caspar lightly traced the shape of his biceps. The veins still bulged against the skin, but his arms appeared softer now, more inviting. He wanted to lose himself in those arms and never leave. Caspar shook his head to himself. Why would he think that? He was weird.

    Caspar moved on to Joe's torso. That boy had one skinny waist. He would never say this aloud to Joe, but sometimes Joe's body was kind of feminine. Not in a bad way, of course. There was nothing bad about Joe's body. It was just, more delicate. More fluid. More different. It made Caspar love him even more. He wanted to remember all of it. Every "fault", every crease, every spot, Caspar wanted all of it. He needed it. Thinking of Joe, Caspar finally fell asleep.
                         ~~~~~~~~
Joe woke up to find himself entangled in Caspar's arms. Had he slept the whole night? He should've left last night. It was nice, sure. Really nice. Last night triggered feelings that he didn't know he had. For a moment, he wanted it to stay that way forever. But it also scared him. He knew that it was wrong. Friends didn't do this kind of thing. Caspar and Joe were only friends. His stomach growled. They missed dinner last night. Quietly, he tried to lift the arm off of him, but he failed. Caspar was awake.

"Where're you going?" mumbled Caspar.

"I was going to—"

"No, don't go. Stay." said Caspar, wrapping his arms back around Joe.

"But Casp, it's already—"

"No." Caspar was firm. Joe was not getting out of this.

"Caaaspar ... Come on, I'm hungry!"

The blonde giant wouldn't budge. Joe sensed he was on the losing side for today.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Stay." Caspar nuzzled Joe, curling up to him. Joe's breath hitched. He tried to block the feelings that were overtaking his body. He managed a few words.

"Stay? What for?"

"Stay."

There was a moment of silence. "Fine." Joe turned on his side to look at Caspar. Caspar stared right back at him, his blue eyes raging with intensity. It was too much for Joe. He lowered his gaze. They lay there for a while, not saying much. Just every so often, they would look up to see if the other was watching.

Finally Caspar broke the silence.

"Joe," he whispered.

"Yeah Caspar?" he whispered back.

"Has something changed between us?"

"What do you mean?" Joe shivered a little. Caspar was acting serious, and that scared him.

"We don't usually do this." Caspar continued. Thoughts coursed through Joe's mind. He knew. Last night was different and he knew. He's uncomfortable with it now. We'll never be able to do this kind of thing again.

"Well you were the one who told me to." said Joe, defensively.

"No, that's not what I mean." Caspar sighed, frustrated. "Ever since I got back, it's been different."

"Well you just got back." scoffed Joe. He smiled awkwardly, trying to hide the traffic jam of thoughts running through his head.

"It's still different. Between us. We're different around each other. We don't usually do this." said Caspar, gesturing wildly at the space between them.

"Like sleep in the same bed?" Joe held his breath.

"Yeah. That."

"Well we haven't seen each other in a while. And friends can sleep in the same bed. You do it all the time with Oli, or Josh, or Will. What's the difference with me?" asked Joe. How could he prove to Caspar that last night wasn't a gay thing?

"But they're just my frien ... so that's it isn't it? We're just friends. Just any old friend?" Caspar asked. "I guess I took last night the wrong way." he muttered, defeatedly.

What? What is he saying? "No! Caspar! Not just any old friend!" He glanced at Caspar, trying to read the small sad smile across his face.

"But just friends, though, right?"

"Yes?" This is not what's supposed to happen. "What? I don't know, Caspar." said Joe, frustratedly. "You're one of my best mates. We've had it good so far, just this way."

Caspar didn't answer.

"Caspar, don't be sore. I like you, a lot."

"I know that."

"So what's the fuss about?"

"Joe," Caspar groaned.

"Caspar?"

"Forget it."

"No. Caspar, I actually, really want to know."

"I think," Caspar paused. "I'm in love with you." He sighed, waiting to be rejected.

"Oh!" Happiness surged through Joe's veins. Joe's immediate thought was: He doesn't hate me! And then: Maybe Caspar had felt it too! A rush of hope flooded his brain, only to be drowned out with the third thought: I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I'm not gay . . .

"Sorry. It's awkward now."

"No it's not. It's great. It's fine. Superb. Fantastic." Words were spewing out of Joe's mouth, faster than he could think. "I--I love you too."

"But you only love me as a friend." pouted Caspar.

I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I'm not gay . . . Stop it. Maybe that wasn't what Caspar meant. It was a joke? It was friendly? He couldn't even think anymore. He just wanted to make Caspar happy. "No, more. More than a friend." assured Joe simply. As long as Caspar was happy, Joe would be anything that he wanted him to be.

"You mean that?" Caspar looked at Joe in disbelief.

"Uh sure," said Joe, slightly embarrassed. He needed time to think. Things were going to fast. Caspar meant it. Caspar meant it?

"Okay."

"Okay?" mocked Joe, smiling.

"Okay." Caspar made a small smile too.

"Now let's go get breakfast. I'm starving."

______________________________________________________

Deleted Scenes/Alternative Scenes:

C: What are we doing?

J: What do you mean, what are we doing? We're cuddling."

C: No what are we doing? What are we? Are we just friends? Less than friends?

J: No! Not less than friends. More. More than friends.

C: Okay.

J: (laughs, mockingly) Okay?

C: Okay.

(TFIOS reference!)