Jaspar: I Still Love You Though

Prologue: I'm Straight

Hello new readers . . . . you are no longer reading One Shots. (I know, you're thinking "Already? I only read one." Yeah. I'm sorry.) But yes, you heard it, this prologue is the beginning of a series. . . . ? I don't know what it's called. A normal fic? Okay, a normal fic. Bi!

June 8, 2015

"Fact number four: I'm straight." Caspar's eyes dart around the room. He laughs nervously. This is unnecessary. It's not going to change anything.

But he needs to say this. He needs to stop it. The Jaspar ship is killing him, slowly.

Because it hurts Caspar every time he sees another edit of Jaspar. Because it's like getting to see a glimpse of heaven before being dragged back to hell. Because it gives him false hope. Because he wishes more than anyone else that Jaspar is real. It's like having 4 million overactive imaginations. 4 million lovesick human beings. As if Caspar's imagination wasn't good enough at misinterpreting Joe's friendly words as messages of a secret, undying love. And as much as it makes him happy to see "proof" that they're dating, or read about imaginary worlds in which Caspar kisses Joe as much as he pleases, or hear people who insist that the way Joe looks at Caspar is 'special' or 'a sign', in the end? It just makes him even more sad. Because if Caspar would just stop pretending!? Joe is about the straightest guy he's ever known. That's it. That's the truth.

It's even more awkward filming because Alexa Loosey is watching. She's really pretty, but Caspar doesn't feel anything for her. Even most pretty girls, Caspar never falls for them, except maybe the blonde ones. But falling for them means standing in front of a mirror, listing all of the reasons he likes them. And those he does date, he sees them more as sisters, like Theodora. In fact, all of his exes slightly resemble Theo, in a way. Hopefully no one has noticed.

A couple days later, the video goes up. Caspar watches as views accumulate. He continuously refreshes the video to see the comments. Some people believe it, and whine over how Jaspar is no longer real. Others point out how awkward Caspar seems. But a few see Caspar's assertion of heterosexuality as a way to hide his homosexuality. They compare Caspar's video to an ancient Connor Franta video, titled "I'm not gay."

Having people watch your every move, it's hard because everyone overanalyzes everything. And sometimes, they find the truth you're so longing to hide.

~~~~~~~~~~

Joe sits alone in his bedroom, watching Youtube to cure his boredom. With everyone out of town, there isn't much for him to do. He can't vlog, because he isn't doing anything interesting. And he can't think of any new main channel ideas. What he really wants is to be in Wiltshire, thatching like the old days.

A notification pops up on Joe's computer screen. Caspar's made a new video! Quickly, he visits Twitter and retweets it. He clicks on the link, and settles in for some good entertainment. He smiles sadly as he watches his friend having fun, flirting with some beautiful girl. They'd make a cute couple, he convinces himself, but his heart doesn't agree. Instead of happiness, he feels jealously, for reasons he doesn't understand. Caspar's video hasn't exactly made him happier, but he's desperate to see that South African face a little longer, so he watches the second channel video. "I'm straight," says Caspar, laughing.

Joe's heart sinks a little more. Caspar has it so easy. Tall, handsome, funny, straight, and attractive. A little weird, but weird in a way that girls like. Oh, and he can talk to people. Like Zoe said, Joe can't handle emotions. Joe's awkward, skinny, and single. Hasn't dated a girl in years. There's reasons though. Joe thinks of some excuses:

Cause I'm busy!

Or I'm scared.

Or I don't like girls.

The last thought scares him to no end. It haunts him in his sleep. It makes him push away the people who get a little too close. Because what if it's true? And what if he told them? All the drama that would come with something that doesn't even matter. People would say "Oh Joe, you're so brave!" but talk behind his back. People would be confused, they'd think, "I don't know him anymore." Even though Joe would be the same.