More Than What You See

You Make Me A Better Man

All day today today and yesterday, I've been moping around with Jon keeping me company. I know he's been trying to keep my spirits up as well but every now and then, I'd catch him glancing over at me with concern etched onto his handsome face. Guilt is starting to eat up at me. This is not how I imagined myself getting to know Jon. He's been incredible.

Typically me being me, there's been a couple of times where I've just wanted to bed the guy but he has blocked any ideas of bedroom fun due to me needing to build my strength up. He has strong will power, I tell you that! Maybe that's partly down to being in the band and not having much opportunities to meet anyone who he likes enough. I guess it's easier for Jordan and the other guys to meet women due to being surrounded by thousands of them on tour and such. The other thing is I'm missing Nina. This is truly the longest I've ever gone without seeing her or speaking to her. Jordan was right, and I'd hold my hands up to him to admit my wrongdoings. Thinking of Jordan, I hope what is happening between me and Nina isn't affecting their relationship as brothers. I should ask Jon how things are between them. Neither of us feel like cooking so we order a takeaway but this is what we've been doing since I got home from the hospital and I'm afraid that we're both gonna end up like a pair of beach whales with all of the takeaways and lack of exercise we're getting. Although I have no doubt that Jon would still look sexy as no matter what he looks like.
Jon put on some movie after we finished eating and I can't even think what it is or what's going on in it because I'm too lost in my own thoughts. "You're staring into space, babe, wanna talk about it?" Jon strokes my thigh trying to get my attention. I shake my head instead trying to focus on the screen. I keep feeling his gaze on me. His fingers cup my chin turning me to face him and he leans in to kiss me. As much as I'm wanting to be in the moment with him and deepen the kiss, I can't quite commit myself to the kissing fully causing him Jon to gently stroke my cheek. He rests his forehead against me. My eyes close automatically. Then he wipes away a tear that I didn't even know I had shed.

"Talk to me, baby." He tries to coax me but also giving me the time I need. "I hate myself. How do I make things right? I've said awful things about Nina, stuff that I truly regret." He just looks like he's surprised. "He's right, if she ever found out what I've said, she'd never forgive me." I stay looking at the ground, and he asks me something that I expected. "What did you say?" I try to recollect word for word. "I'm sure you know that, Jordan seeing as you have women constantly throwing themselves at you, maybe she wanted to come across as a easy, cheap tart so that you'll actually stick around." I avoid glancing at Jon, afraid of seeing disappointment in his eyes even though it's what I deserve. "Oh, Phoenix. What an absolute dick, no wonder why Jordan was furious with you. Why did you say those things?" I expect anger in his voice but it's just disappointment. "I don't know, maybe I was just lashing out. I'm finding it hard with all of the changes between us." He takes hold of my hand and caresses my knuckles. "Between you and Nina?" I nod. "What do you mean exactly?" Sighing to myself as I try to figure out how to explain it. "It's always been me and her. Yeah I've dated other people but they were kept separate. She's always needed me. Like if something hurt her, I'd be there in an instant to console her and big her up again. If she was sick, I'd be with her looking after her. She was always there for me too. It's so bloody hard seeing her rely on someone else." I feel Jon putting his arm around my shoulder pulling me close to him. "Phoenix, she will always need you. Just not in the way that you are possibly used to. I'm sure there'll be times when my brother gets on her nerves and she'll need her best friend to rant to. I guess it's a part of growing up too, when you both start dating and so on. I imagine she'll be finding it difficult too with the adjustment but just like you, she deserves to have happiness and to find love." Finally, I make eye contact with him and he has a little smile on his face. "How do you do it?" He looks at me, confused. "Do what?" I chuckle. "Always know what to say and when to say it." Jon leans in to kiss me on my forehead. "Just learning from my own experiences. Sometimes it's easier to see things clearly when you're not directly involved as such." I nod in agreement. "Jordan will treat her like a queen, won't he?" His turn to nod and smile. "Jordan will treasure her and protect her as well as he can. You and everyone think he's some womaniser but he really isn't. He knows his boundaries and he will keep them even with the fans. They do try and throw themselves at him but he will politely shut it down, probably moving away from said fans. If he was a womaniser, I wouldn't encourage him to be with Nina because she's a sweetheart and I can't think of anyone more perfect for my brother."

I kiss him, unexpectedly. I end up pushing him backwards in to the sofa and I straddle him. I grab his hands, place them above his head and hold them down with one of my hands. My other hand explores through his hair and down his neck. I lift up his shirt, followed by pulling down his pants. I take off the rest of his clothes and tie his wrists with his sock. Okay I've had to think on the spot for that. One thing I really need right now is for him to submit himself to me. "Please let me need you." I plead in his ear in between trailing kisses down his neck. "Do what you need to do to me, babe." He responds. I move down his body so I'm kneeling in between in his legs. My eyes slowly rake over his sexy, beautiful body. The need for him is growing by the minute. "So. Freaking. Beautiful. Jonathan. You're all mine, only mine." I'm a little bit rough in the way I handle him in my hands but with the way he's moaning and responding to me tells me that he is loving this.
The things this man that's laid beneath me is making me feel is something I've never felt before. I think I'm falling for him so bloody hard. He couldn't be more perfect if he tried. His beautiful dark eyes watch my every move and the way his lips pout as I thrust harder into him. "You're. Too. Good. For. Me. You. Make. Me. A. Better. Man. God Jon. I'm. Crazy. For. You." I mutter east word in between each thrust. The way his hand roughly runs through my hair and grip me tightly. We both climax together and I lay down with my head on his chest as he wraps his arms around me as we settle down. "You are amazing, Phoenix. I'm falling for you too." I hear him murmur as we drift off.