Imperfection

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He never made me feel like a fool.

for being who I was.


I never knew just how much I've always been

for people to handle.


I never knew how much they craved 

me being this perfectly, bubbly person 

until that person no longer existed 

and I had to start putting up this horribly fake persona

that even I hate...


I never knew how much 

I made people feel good about themselves 

until I had to start forcing myself 

to see the good in people


I never knew how much people hated me

for being that horribly perfect version of myself.

.

.

.

He never knew her

He knew the me that cried easily for every little thing.


He knew the me that was always hiding.


He knew the me that was so desperate to make a career work 

that I forced every path upon myself.


He knew the version of me that started realizing

that you get to choose who gets to be a part of your life.


He knew the me that realized her worth outside of beauty.


He knew the me that was lower than dirt and treated herself as such

and he still loved me.


He knew the me that would pick fights over imperfect things

and the me that fell in love with an imperfect person.


He knew the me that wanted a family 

and wanted to get married 

and live in a small town

and never want anything more than just happiness in that.


He knew the me that didn't need to be an overachiever .


He knew the me that was afraid of everything

and unafraid to admit it.


He fell in love with me.

All of me.

And none of it was on me.


He loved me.

And I love him.


But love isn't enough.


And when things didn't fall into place all around us

and the imperfect life that we'd built crumbled,

we crumbled right along with it.


20/07/23



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