Heartless ~ Bellamy Blake

Chapter Five

I Miss those days when my smile was real.

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I awaken by a scream, jolting up I see Charlotte now awake. I watch as Bellamy scoots over to where she was laying down, as I close my eyes I listen. She apologizes for waking Bellamy up. "Does it happen often?" He asks the small girl. She sighs before she can answer. He asks "What are you scared of?" Charlotte looks around the cave before shaking her head. "You know what? It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you do about it." He says patting her knee.

"But I'm asleep" She retorts, a you're fucking dumb look on her face.

"Fears are fears. Slay your demons when you're awake, They won't be there to get you in your sleep." I assures her. "You can't afford to be weak. Down here weakness is death, fear is death." Bellamy tells her. My eyebrow pull together in disbelief. She's just a kid, he shouldn't be saying that to her, she could take it the wrong way. "Let me see that knife I gave you." He says grabbing the knife from where she pulled it out. "Now when your afraid, hold tight to that knife and say "Screw you I'm not afraid."" He hands the knife back to her as she repeats after him. "Slay your demons kid. Then you'll be able to sleep."  He says scooting back towards me.

"Can I ask you a question Bellamy?" Charlotte asks as her eyes scan between me and Bellamy.  He nods as if saying she can continue.

"Are you and Kingsley together?" She says with all confidence. I almost choke on my own spit, but keep my eyes closed, recovering quickly. I can feel Bellamy's gaze on my face as he looks at me and back to Charlotte.

"Why would you ask that?" He says playfulness in his voice.

"Just the way you look at her. It reminds me of the way my dad used to look at my mom." She says. My heart overwhelming, If I opened my eyes, I know I wouldn't be able to help myself and smile. So I don't. I concentrate on my breathing, slowing it down.

"We were a long time ago, but." He pauses and sighs. "Not anymore." He replies back to her first question.

"Why not?" Charlotte asks dumbfounded. Bellamy sighs once more before I feel his eyes back on me. And just as my heart feels full, it empties at his response.

"Feelings change kid, now get some sleep okay?" She doesn't answer Bellamy as I hear her shift against the rock. I feel him slouch down against me. I hear his breathing become slow and steady after a couple minutes and I know he's asleep. I finally open my eyes. My hands under my head still, I look at him. His curls falling into his eyes. His mouth slightly open as his cold breath hits the air. I wish I could allow myself to want him. I want to. I want to want him so badly. There's just too much history involved, and now is not the time or place to put myself in that position. I miss him, I think. I miss the way he would always have a comeback to something smart I say. The banter. The way he would do anything to protect me, even if it costed him his life. I still loved him, I know I did even if I couldn't admit it out loud. He's all I ever wanted. Even if the whole world was against us, as long as he was by my side, it didn't matter. But Bellamy was unpredictable, always had been. But Love and unpredictable is what gets you killed down here. In this moment I realized I was not gonna let Bellamy Blake be the death of me. I wasn't gonna expect anything out of him. If you don't have expectations of someone they can't betray you. I was gonna survive with or without him by my side.

I hadn't realized how long I had been thinking to myself before it was lighter in the cave. It was now morning as I hear a shift from beside me. I look over to see Bellamy, rubbing the sleepiness out of his eye. He watches me as we both stand to our feet. I hand him his jacket back as he walks towards the entrance of the cave and I follow, checking to see if the fog is gone. We stand there together before I interrupt the silence.