Right Here Where You Left Me (KimPete)

Chapter 3

Kim liked Vermont because of its magnificent trees and stunning sceneries. He loved the way it gives a sense of home, peace, and freedom, something that he never felt when he was still in the main family compound. That's why when he felt like he needed to escape from the suffocating mafia life he was force to lead, and when escaping through another persona as the mysterious singer isn't enough anymore, he decided to buy a house in Vermont. He then packed up and left Thailand 2 months after the minor family attack fiasco.

Living in a different country was always a fascinating experience. You get to enjoy the famous spots, food, cultures, and seasons. Vermont has four seasons. Something that Kim is looking forward to experience-particularly winter. He may not admit it to anyone and he would probably rather die than let anyone find out about this, but watching snowfall is one of his childhood dreams. Vermont is going to make his dream came true.

In his stay, he got to experience 3 seasons so far.
Spring was lovely, summer was bright, and autumn was crisp. He can't wait for winter to come.
But nobody has ever warned him about the stick season. No one warned him about the gloomy period between autumn and winter when the leaves have fallen but the snow is yet to come.

He remembered it started around late October. One morning when he was looking through the window at the street outside, he noticed that the last leaves of the deciduous trees have fallen. The trees appear stick-like without their leaves, and the landscape seemed barren and desolate. Suddenly, he felt the atmosphere shift into something somber. A wave of uneasiness swept over him. He closed the curtains and head back to his room.
That was the start of his emotional and psychological turmoil.

As the days go by, the weather was getting colder and it reminds him of so many things-most of them are memories and feelings he's been trying to forget. Going outside isn't helpful because the gloomy atmosphere is only adding up to the loneliness and misery he felt. Holing up in his room is even worse.
He keeps on having flashbacks; he can't help but think of the what-could-have-beens and he can't stop blaming himself.

It was all his fault. He messed everything up. If he wasn't so curious and reckless, if he wasn't such a jerk, maybe he'd still have him by his side now. Maybe he didn't lose the one person who gave him all his heart despite the f*ck up world they live in. Maybe things would be different and he'd be still in Thailand, in his own apartment, singing love songs or in the kitchen table going through the grocery list that they made for the week. And he'd be happy.

But people like him don't deserve happiness, he suppose. He is cruel, evil, and a coward. Maybe his father was right. His hands were made to break things and people. They were never made to care and nurture anything. And even if he tried, he would just end up breaking and hurting them. Just like what he did to him.

The funny thing about being brought up in a cruel world is that you will know nothing but cruelty. So when you find something precious, you won't know what to do with it. Kim was like that.

As the days grew colder in Vermont while winter approaches, the cycle of self-loathing grew unbearable. He figured that if this goes on, he would definitely lose his mind. He can't afford that so he decided to leave the place before his grief consumed him. His excitement about snowfall and winter was long forgotten. He found himself packing up and booking a plane ticket back to Thailand. As much as he hates going back, he believe that a sense of familiarity will help him cope.

A few days later, he was back in Bangkok. The weather was still cold but he thinks it's manageable. Instead of going to his apartment, he went straight to the compound. He figured it would be less lonely there.

Oh, but how wrong he was.