city of stars

XII

"Hyunjin-ah."

"Mn."

"You're older than me, right?"

Hyunjin looks over to where Felix is playing with the sleeves of his coat, near the warm hearth. He wonders how to answer him best – is he older? Can you really be older than someone as timeless as a star?

"I guess." He says instead, feigning ignorance. "I'm 34."

Felix doesn't look up, just nodding a little as if he had expected that exact answer. "So should I call you hyung?"

Hyunjin shrugs. "Up to you, really."

"Do you want me to?" There's something about him that makes Hyunjin wonder if Felix wants the answer to be yes, if Felix wants to be made to abide the honorifics.

"What does 'hyung' mean to you?" He asks instead looking up from where he was sketching the birds that had once flown over his childhood home every morning at 6 on the dot.

Felix half-shrugs, looking like he was hiding something, holding something back. "Just... you know. Normal things."

"No, I don't know." Hyunjin tells him, turning his attention back to the birds on the page. "You need to tell me, Bokkie."

Felix's lips press into a thin line, and his eyes raise to the sparks dancing in the half-dead hearth. He clears his throat, shifting the slightest to hide his face in the shadow falling across the room. His hands bury themselves in the jacket, as he struggles through another mental block, another wall he had put up himself.

"Just... like... fam–" He cuts himself off, eyes widening a little to dart over at Hyunjin, to see if he noticed.

Hyunjin did, but shows no sign of it, picking up a darker pencil and continuing his sketch.

"Nevermind. Forget about it."

"Forget about it hyung." Hyunjin corrects him.

Felix freezes, shoulders tensing, before suddenly it all bleeds out of him, and he relaxes, seeming almost docile. "Hyung." He repeats, quietly. "You're my hyung."

And Hyunjin hums in confirmation, and keeps sketching. Family, Felix had almost said. The younger wanted someone to be his family.

Storing this thought away for later, Hyunjin squinted at his drawing, setting the pencil down. "Bokk-ah." he called. "Come here. Wanna show you something."

Hyunjin hums as they drive home, Felix asleep in the passenger seat, his thin fingers wrapped around Hyunjin's wrist as if to make sure he was still there.

The sky above them is as empty as before, void of the stars that had once danced across the heavens and looked down to the people below, guiding their paths with the same gentleness that now graced Felix's sleeping face.

It was almost unfair — the younger might never know where he came from, what he had once been. He might always think that his life had begun with him and his brother in Australia, moving to Korea for a job.

He might never know about a world beyond the City, a world beyond what he knew now. A world not even Hyunjin could show him.

As he drove into the shiny lights of the monochrome City, Hyunjin's thoughts wandered over to the moon.

Where was it now?

Almost unconsciously, he looked over to the very center of the City. The home of the Sun. In its shadow stood another, smaller building. A building no one entered, no one exited. A prison, of sorts, if those existed anymore.

And suddenly, the answer dawned on him.

"Appa." Jeongin raced from his mother's car straight into his arms. "Appa, I missed you!"

His mother came after him, annoyed, a small backpack in her arms. "Here." She hung it on one of Hyunjin's shoulders. "His school work." She said, and Hyunjin nodded, thanking her.

He takes his son by his small hand, smiling down at the small ball of energy that Jeongin seemed to be made of today. "Come on." He said, nudging the boy. "I'll help you with your letters."

He felt his ex-wife's eyes on him as he walked away, Jeongin skipping up and down beside him.

As they walked out of sight, he wondered, not for the first time, what would have been if things had been different. If they all lived together, and never separated. If the world had been kinder to their small family.

"Appa!" Jeongin nudged Hyunjin from his thoughts for the 5th time that evening. "What's wrong?"

Hyunjin shook his head, turning back to the worksheet in front of them. "Your letters looks beautiful, Innie. Very nice."

Jeongin nodded, smiling a foxy grin before diving back into the row of 'g's he was tracing.

Idly, Hyunjin wondered what Felix was doing. The younger never came over on the weekends. Hyunjin never asked him to.

Maybe he should. Maybe he could cook for them three, and they'd read some book together, until Jeongin yawned sleepily and complained about being tired, and then they'd put him to bed and—

Hyunjin shook his head, turning back to his son.

"In-ah." He called softly, not wanting to break Jeongin's trance. "How would you like to meet a friend?"

"A friend?" Jeongin asked, tongue sticking out in concentration as he traced another letter. "Appa's friend?"

"Yeah. Appa's friend."

"Sure!" Jeongin said, child-like enthusiasm barely curbed by the pills he had taken that morning at his mother's. "Where is he?" He looked around, as if someone could hide in the small apartment.

"Not today." Hyunjin shook his head, getting up to make them some dinner. "Some day. Some day I'll show you Appa's friend."

"Okay!" Jeongin agrees, grinning up at him, before returning to the worksheet. "I'm hungry, though!"

"Dinner's coming, sweetheart."