city of stars

XLIX

The studio is quiet that night, as Hyunjin grabs a blanket and settles on the beat-up couch with a sketchbook open in his lap. It's empty, and the pages are bleached-white; it's brand new. Yeosang had bought it for him as a 'welcome back' gift.

Now, the pencil in his hand spins between his fingers, not touching the paper. There's pent-up energy running through him, begging to be let out, but there's no ideas springing to his mind, no inspiration to sweep him away; nothing. It's almost like he's waiting for something.

The darkness gives way to the pale moonbeam coming in through the window to fall across his slippers on the wooden floor. Beside them rests an empty bowl — his dinner. Jisung had come over and made soup, insisting that everyone had eaten their fill and then some.

Minho had looked almost pained when they were gathered here, looking over them as if he was realizing something.

Something Hyunjin had come to terms with long ago — they were family. And they were incomplete. There were people missing in their small circle of three. The loud laughter of Jeongin, and Chain's quiet exhaustion as he'd plop down at an odd hour to recharge before going back to work, and Felix's glow, and even Seungmin's jokes and shy smiles.

Strange, how fast a house can become a home and how quickly a group of people become family.

But they weren't here now, and it was just the three of them in this lonely studio, on the outskirts of nowhere. The moon shone feebly, and somewhere down the hall, water ran as someone took a shower.

Hyunjin sighed, and reached for the remote, turning on the television. He browsed the channels, lights from the screen illuminating his face in a multitude of bright flashes as news anchors droned on and on.

Click. Click. Click.

He was about to turn it off and shuffle off to bed, when—

A rush, a glance

A touch, a dance

He almost missed it; Felix.

Felix, whose face took up the screen as he sang, grey contacts in his eyes and a half-smile on his face. He was wearing a grey tee, and it hung off his smaller frame, making it look like he was smaller and thinner than he actually was.

Felix, whose voice never wavered as the lyrics fell from his lips, sending shivers down Hyunjin's spine. He remembered just hearing him for the first time, before they met, before everything. From the beginning, it had always been his voice — the way it wrapped around every syllable and dipped lower and lower, sending Hyunjin reeling, heart racing.

Felix, who was closer to him than ever, and yet had never felt so far away.

Hyunjin wasn't aware of anyone else in the room. Not Jisung, when he had come out the shower, drying his hair and looking for someone to talk to, not Changbin when he had sat down next to him on the couch to unwind after a long day of work, and certainly not Minho, who watched him with something akin to pity, standing a little ways behind him, eyes dropping to Hyunjin's sketchbook.

The first page already held a familiar face.

"Morning." It was strange hearing Hyunjin's voice in the morning as he came into work. Felix wasn't yet sure which was worse, having him so close like this, or not having him at all.

"Morning."

It's strange, because everytime Hyunjin passes him by, Felix's heart stops. It's almost like the way the other touches him sets fire to his skin, the accidental brushes of their hands, bumping into each other in the corridor, Hyunjin reaching around him to grab something.

And yet, when he looks up, the other's face is perfectly unbothered, like he didn't notice. It didn't affect him.

Felix was slowly starting to lose it.

 see him?" ">"Did you see him?"

"Yes hyung, we all did." Jisung sighs, patting Hyunjin's knee consolingly.

"He's so–"

Jisung throws a helpless look at Changbin, who ducks out of the doorway before he's made to sit down and listen to Hyunjin's rants.

"Are you okay?"

Seungmin's voice startles Felix as he's doing the laundry. He ends up dropping his sweater in the warm water, soapy foam splashing onto the bare skin of his stomach.

"Shit, Seungminnie, you startled me."

"Sorry." He comes to stand next to him, rolling his sleeves up. "Need a hand?"

"Thanks."

"Of course."

It's quiet for a while, as their hands dip in the water, splashing a little as they scrub the plain tee shirts. Eventually, the water gets murky, an ugly beige color, and they dump it out, wringing the clothes over the bathtub. It's nice not to do it alone, to have someone beside him as he does something as simple as chores.

"You can tell me anything, you know." Seungmin tells him as they're filling the small tub with water again for the rinse.

"There's nothing to tell, really." Felix says, trying to shrug it off.

"You're frowning." A wet finger pokes his cheek. "And Chan looks surprised to see you home all the time."

"I stayed at a friend's for a while, that's all."

"Mm." Seungmin doesn't sound convinced, but strangely enough, he doesn't press further. Instead, he starts humming, and the next half hour passes quickly in his company.

"Morning sweetheart." Hyunjin's voice is murky with sleep today, as if he'd just gotten up. He yawns as he passes Felix by, heading towards the coffee machine.

"Morning." Felix returns, before suddenly freezing. His head snaps uo.

Sweetheart? Had he misheard? He searches Hyunjin for a sign of.. Anything, really, but there's nothing. The man is just as he was before, striking up a conversation with a receptionist as he grabs the stack of folders he's responsible for and ducks into his cubicle.

"Morning Lixie, you look startled." Changbin's voice returns him to his senses.

"Sorry Binnie, I'm a little out of it this morning." He apologizes, and out of the corner of his eye, he can see Hyunjin pause at the sound of his voice, if only for a millisecond.

"You don't have a fever, do you?" Changbin's cold hands shocks Felix's system as he feels his forehead. It's like an ice pack against his skin. "There's been a stomach bug going 'round the office."

"I'm fine, hyung." Felix tries to brush his hand off, waving away the concern, but Changbin makes a tutting sound, his brow furrowed.

"You're burning up, Lix. Are you sure you feel well?"

"I'm fine!" Frustration builds under his skin as the office suddenly seems too stuffy.

"You should go home."

"I said I'm–"

"I'll take him."

He hadn't notice Hyunjin appear beside them, but there he was, a mere meter away, his expression also one tinged with worry.

 a good idea?  ">"Hyunjin, are you sure that's–" a good idea?

Changbin's hand disappeared from his forehead. His vision started to swim a little, blurring as black splotches took over. His head was too heavy, and he fell forward, his forehead hitting the wooden desk with a load crack.

Or it would've, had a pair of hands not caught him first, cradling his head to prevent injury. The last thing he remembered as he passed out was Hyunjin's long fingers, carding through his hair as Changbin packed his bag.