It’s raining. Slow, soft droplets knocking against the window, like an unwelcome visitor intruding upon the silence of the bedroom.
Jisung lies in bed, eyes straining to read the small print on his phone. The air conditioner whirs beside him, coming to life once every half hour to cool the apartment. Beside him, one of their cats has fallen asleep, tail wrapping around his wrist.
There’s a siren ringing in the distance, loud and rhythmic. It’s been going for a few hours, to the point the sound’s distorted, no longer seeming real. Jisung scrolls down further, shifting in the bed a little to relieve his aching back.
Somewhere in his kitchen, Seungmin’s slumped over the dining table, playing with the cold rice in his bowl.
Neither of them pay any attention to the raid alarms anymore. It’s become normal.
Hyunjin’s cooking when the alarm first sounds. He drains the pasta, setting it aside on two plates. He doesn’t look up, doesn’t even notice, really.
The raids have become part of a long, long, neverending routine.
Jeongin runs from the bedroom, grabbing a plate and smiling up at his father. “Hi appa! Is Felix-appa coming home today?”
The smile on Hyunjin’s face froze in place, before dimming. “No, sweetheart. Not today.”
“Tomorrow?”
“We’ll see Innie. Maybe tomorrow.”
“Okay!” Satisfied with the non-answer, Jeongin plops down on the couch, bowl in his lap, humming along to something he’s heard on the television.
He doesn’t react to the siren either, adapting to it in his own, kid type of way.
It’s a little sad if he stops to think about it too much.
But he doesn’t, and life goes on as usual. Or as usual as it can be, with how they live.
Leaning back against the counter, Hyunjin picks at his own dinner, making a face at the never-ceasing background noise. They lived too far from the City to be raided themselves, but they still heard it all. Sometimes it felt like the whole world heard it.
His fingers hold the steaming hot bowl, not feeling the heat that leaves red burns on his hands, the pain that blossoms from his touch across the pale skin.
His eyes are far away. Weighing his options, gains and sacrifices, like a never-stilling seesaw, up and down, up and down.
The scales of Justice never tipped in their favor. What made the others think it would be any different now?
It seemed as though every day, more and more buried knowledge came to light, and the night he held his boyfriend’s trembling body in his arms felt more and more far away.
The city had swept Felix back in, far away from the family that waited patiently for him under the crumbling awning of the studio’s old roof.
Temporary was a word that lost all meaning, when everyday Hyunjin had to watch people come and go, smile and collapse on his couch with their faces buried in their hands, shaking with fear and exhaustion. It’s been hard on all of them.
“Appa.” He hadn’t noticed how much time passed. His bowl was cool, and his son was standing beside him in pajamas, hugging his small fox tightly to his chest. “Felix-appa didn’t sing today.”
“He’s probably busy today, sweetheart.” The words feel mechanical, stale.
His son nods, hair falling into his eyes. “Uncle Changbin says if I fall asleep quickly, I can visit whoever I want in my dreams!”
That forces a chuckle out of him. “Come on, let’s get you into bed then. Who do you want to visit the most?”
Jeongin makes a face as he's led to the bedroom, glaring at his father. “You know.”
“Mm.” Dropping a kiss to the little boy’s forehead, Hyunjin pulls the blanket up to tuck him in. “I do. Good night Innie.”
As soon as Jeongin’s fallen asleep, his small chest rising and falling with every breath, eyelids fluttering as he dreams, Hyunjin gets up, dragging his feet back into the living room.
Collapsing on the couch, takes a deep breath.
His head hurts. Exhaustion threatens to whisk him far away, into the dark oblivion of sleep. With the siren still ringing loudly in the background, consciousness is a string he can no longer bring himself to hold onto.
He slips away, slumping onto the worn pillow, his long dark hair coming to hide his face from the glare of the screen.
The place is silent as he steps inside. Every man, woman, and child in the city sleeps, lost to their black and white dreams.
He’s up. He’s always up, never home. Can’t afford to go home, not now.
Stepping over the threshold, he walks through the rooms of an apartment he knows like the back of his hand.
An overturned dish on the floor, a dropped bracelet, a phone drained of charge.
He moves so smoothly the air doesn’t seem to notice a single disturbance, as if he were never there at all.
His long fingers pause over the light switch, before falling away. The darkness is more suitable for a monster like him.
A shadow, in and out of people’s lives because he can never quite stay. Not for long.
But even shadows have their wants, their needs, their obsessions. He walks down the hall soundlessly, closing the fridge someone left open. There’s a bowl of food on the table, left forgotten by someone waiting for someone else.
He hates the way his heart beats faster, wishing, hoping, longing.
Instead of stopping, he continues down the hall, where he can see the silhouette of a sleeping angel.
“Don’t wait up.” He’d told him. But of course the idiot still did. He always did.
Sighing, the shadowed man sits down next to him, hand reaching out to smooth back the wrinkles on his friend’s face. “Take care of yourself, jagi-yah. How can I not worry, seeing you like this?”
Selfish, he thinks as soon as the words leave him. Selfish, and self-centered of him to ask the other to take care of himself, when he’d once promised he’d be the one to do it instead.
Forever and ever.
Well, he would. He just needed to get something done first.
YOU ARE READING
city of stars
Fanfiction~hyunlix~ There's something almost hypnotic about his voice - it's so deep, dark- but at the same time, there's a softness to it, almost a gentle caress to the words. There's nothing rough about the way he sings, rather, it's soft and reassuring - r...
