STOLEN

fourteen

it's been a whole week since haechan's family came here. i noticed something odd with johnny because he keeps on tailing ten. jeno's just all around asking everybody, mostly jaemin. then there's jisung, staying all day at the pool.

and it's been a week since i had haechan talk to me.

i don't know everything just got so busy for him. the other day he asked his dad to renovate the two rooms that weren't used so ten, jeno and jisung could use them. then he went out to pick some things for the room with his hyung and dad, and without me.

i'm not even sure anymore if i'm still in charge of him like i was used to. i think i'm just a no one for him now.

❝you're thinking so deeply now.❞ giselle pointed out. she's on my chest and we're cuddling in bed.

somehow it doesn't feel satisfying.

i play with her hair a minute and sighed, ❝i guess i just have nothing to do now that haechan is being guarded by his brothers and his dad now.❞

❝isn't it a good thing you don't get to be busy now?❞ she pointed out.

❝i don't know. i took good care of him for the last couple of months, of course i'd get bothered if my schedule and work to be done has suddenly changed.❞ i argued quietly. ❝i'm used to him.❞

❝i get it.❞ giselle gave me a kiss and she added, ❝i think we should get your mind off of things.❞

she carefully sat on my stomach and slowly crawled down, stopping on my sensitive area. i pulled her down to kiss her lewdly and she was so willing to let me do that. she grinded softly on me while we make out in my bed.

❝shit.❞ she breathed out on my lips and groped me down there.

i groaned in annoyance when i don't feel anything. i'm not hard at all.

❝what is wrong with you?❞ she hissed and removed herself off of me. now we sit on the bed and argue.

❝i don't fucking know, babe! i-i... i'm not sure why i can't.❞

❝i already tried everything. why aren't you hard at all? you told me you're never like this? you're normal. so, why? why can't we have sex at all?❞

❝i'm... just as confused as you are.❞ i breathed heavily on my palms.

why can't i get hard when she was already literally sitting on me?

but why is it that with haechan it's just a single eye contact? it's just a show of the skin? it's just him literally standing there and i already feel aroused.

but with her, i can't.

❝you know what? we should just... take a break, babe.❞ she sighed calmly. she put up her bra back and get clothed.

i didn't even notice she didn't have her bra on when she sat on me. shit.

❝look, i'm so sorry, babe—❞

❝i know you are.❞ she pulled her bag from my bedside table and angrily stood there. ❝but you're the first person i've been with that i couldn't get aroused.❞

i shut my eyes and don't watch her walking away. i feel a sting in my heart not because she left but because of how confused i am.

i'm in literal hell because i can't figure out what i want. i don't get sexually aroused with giselle but i can with haechan. i feel happy when i'm with the boy but with giselle, i just feel loved. i don't and can't exert love for her.