STOLEN

twenty one

we were both wordless by the time we got home. i knew it was a fight, i knew it was something we totally need to talk about but damn it, i got scared. i revere his relationship with jaemin and i'm not even sure how to deal with my own feelings.

i like him but what then? what do i really want? because i don't wanna confess and suddenly tell him i can't do anything more later on.

i already caused pain to giselle. i'm already a bad person by doing that to giselle and i don't want to do the same to haechan. especially because he means so much more to me.

but how can i forget when everything in this silence is yelling for me to do something?

i parked my car and i wordlessly shut the aircon in my car. ❝haech—❞

❝thank you for the ride.❞

damn it.

i pull his arms and put him steady on the car. shit, shit, damn it! why am i doing this?

❝haechanah...❞

❝w-what?❞ soft sobs break out from his lips. i could feel my heart shatter every second that i see his tears from his pretty eyes.

one sob and it's making me fall for the thought of confessing.

❝i know what you meant.❞ i spoke quietly as i run my hands through his cheeks to wipe the tears away. ❝and i'm sorry.❞

❝what do you mean?❞ he flutters his damp eyelashes.

❝i know what you wanted me to say earlier, haech.❞ i confess to that. ❝i'm just... fucking... scared.❞

❝of what?!❞ he yelled angrily. i understand what he feels so well.

i'm pissed at myself too.

❝of admitting i like you so much.❞ that was stuck in my throat but i let it all out. when i said it, i feel my eyes closing by themselves.

❝i-i... i was waiting for that.❞ he cried again. now my baby's crying and i hate to see it every single time.

all i'm holding on for is the relief of telling him what i feel so i can move on.

❝now let's forget this conversation ever happened alright? you will go back to jaemin—❞

suddenly, he pulled my collar and i feel his lips on mine.

❝lee haechan!❞ i screamed as i shockingly pushed him away.

he yelped in pain. ❝stop... pushing me away—❞

❝shit, i'm sorry...❞ i'm damned. i rub his shoulder where he got hit. ❝fuck, fuck... i'm sorry haechanah.❞

❝if you're really sorry, take back what you said...❞ he sobbed.

while i was confused. ❝what do you mean?❞

❝let's not forget it ever happened.❞

❝haechanah, you will not cheat. i won't tolerate this act of yours. this is not who you are, dear.❞ i nervously spoke.

i've been through this already and i don't want anyone to feel the same. not even jaemin whom i despise most.

❝jaemin and i are fake.❞

my mouth dropped.

❝he knows... that you're the one i like.❞ he cried even more after saying that. while i'm in the verge of losing my mind. ❝i like you so much, mark. i'm going crazy thinking about you and how to make you like me. i like you so much that i hate you for acting like this!❞ he couldn't even breathe right.