Damsel in Control (18+ Only) - The Rogue Pack

Chapter 12

Trigger warning for this chapter: mentions of trauma and abuse. Nothing explicit. If you're uncomfortable skip the bit after the"!!!!!" As usual, there will be a summary at the end

The next day I struggle to drag myself to work. The soft embrace of my duvet and the cloud coating my brain just too tempting. I finally manage to convince myself to budge, hoping work will be a nice distraction, today's tasks prove to be menial and tiring, and no matter how hard I stare at the screen, I'm unable to find my usual motivation. My mind remains distracted all throughout the morning, the cloud of emotion still hovering in my brain as my thoughts stop me from being able to lose myself in my work. I spent all of yesterday recovering from the revelation about my new-found freedom, the endless possibilities for my newfound life running through havoc through my brain as I struggled to comprehend the true significance of Lina's revelation. I felt like a child once again, a child with their entire future ahead and to whom an adult has just asked what they want to do when they grow up. A child who can only dream and hope, with no real sense of future or reality, but who knows desperately that they want it to be fantastic. But today, that excitement is underlined by niggling uncertainty, new doubt about how much freedom I have actually found, and anxiety about Lina's parting comment; "your parents have been asking about you."

All morning, that cloud in my head is a replay of that conversation. A replay of my father's dismissal of my presence, his unwillingness to talk to me even now. The childish part of me, the better part, the part free from my trauma, desperately wants to heal the bond. I long to pick up that phone and hear his voice, hear his reassurance as I apologise for running, apologise for breaking his trust. There's an instinctual, childish urge within me that even now threatens to overwhelm me. It pushes me to rush home, urges me to throw myself into my mother's arms, sobbing as I beg for forgiveness. But the adult part of me, the rational, cold, calculating part, the part that was forced into existence when I stopped being their baby girl, that part knows how ridiculous the child is being. Those people, who lost the right to be my parents when they put their priorities above my own safety, they don't deserve an apology from me. Hell, it's not even about deserving. I didn't do anything worthy of apolgising for. I did nothing wrong.

Sure I shouted, and swore. I talked back and argued with them. Pushed their buttons in a desperate attempt to get their attention. But I only did those things so that they would hear me, listen to me. So that they would finally recognise the abuse I was going through, the emotional and psychological trauma of being encouraged to sleep with a man who had been forced upon me, and then being emotionally manipulated into thinking there was something wrong with me when I refused to do so.

Crash. My head snaps up instantly, my animalistic fight or flight response activated as my body hums with adrenaline. The shattered remains of my favourite mug lay scattered on the floor, cold coffee seeping onto the carpet. My thoughts have made me so distracted it seems I'm not even aware of my own surroundings, a worrying sign when you're a werewolf and you naturally have an increased awareness of your environment. The crash makes everyone's head spin towards me, and I grimace an apology at them. Dashing to the store room, I grab a dustpan and brush to sweep up the mess, as well as a rag to mop up the liquid. I'm just lucky that none of the coffee went on my laptop.

"Reyna, is everything alright?" From my crouched position, dustpan in hand, I have to crane my neck to look up at the person talking to me. Alice's eyes are filled with concern as she crouches to help me grab the few remaining bits of porcelain, stealing the rag from my hand to dab the carpet gingerly.

"You seem distracted" I sigh in response and push myself to my feet.

"Yeah... just a lot on my mind."

"Oh. Anything you want to talk about?" I shake my head, too quickly it seems as a disappointment flashes across her face. "Well, I'm here if you need me." She turns to leave.