Damsel in Control (18+ Only) - The Rogue Pack

Chapter 20

The air feels incredible as it flows through Aida's fur. Well our fur technically. It's a strange sensation being a werewolf. The werewolf part feels both separate from the human part, yet at the same time intrinsically linked in a way that feels... well magical I guess. It's like a second half to a whole, like a separate part of a single soul. And just like a favourite piece of jewellery that you're so used to having on you it feels like a part of you, you wouldn't quite feel like yourself without it even though you can still feel it as a separate entity to yourself.

And when you let that that werewolf side take over... it's like your human side just disappears. Turning into your wolf, to me it's the best feeling in the world. It's so freeing, yet feels so natural. The best human sensation I can compare it to is the feeling you get when you're incredibly angry. When the rage builds, consuming your every thought, action, or reaction. That anger that feels like it's all of you.There may be another little voice in your head, that voice of reason, but it's small, and can easily be ignored. And then when you're no longer angry, when that red haze lifts, the anger feels like a different being altogether, a being that can be talked to, argued against, reasoned with.

It's the same with our wolves. We tend to give them names, talk to them, the real imaginary best friend that every child wished they had. But in reality they are as much a part of us as any emotion. They can take over, take control. Lead our lives as much as our human sides can.

So running through the fields, my golden ears flapping in the wind, I feel reconnected. As if a part of me had been missing for so long that I'd stopped noticing. Almost nine months since our last run. Back before moving to West Terre Haute I would run every day, trying to put as much distance between Rodrigo and I. Then when I got here I thought the safest thing to do would be to suppress the wolf, to limit my werewolf scent. So I stopped shifting, stopped training, stopped doing anything werewolf related. And it worked, my scent calmed down, kept me hidden. But now that I'm not being hunted...

I feel the power in my legs as they bound through the meadows, easily leaping over tree trunks and branches, dodging puddles and tufts of grass. The scents are so much more vibrant than I remembered, my nose picking up on the distant lavender bushes at the edge of the forest, the scent of the squirrels running through the trees, the soil beneath me as the soft pads of my feet disturb it, throwing it up into the air. In the distance I can smell the clear emptiness that indicates the presence of water, and the stronger scents of wet leaves at the banks of the river. It feels like I'm seeing the world all over again, and in response I can feel the joy, like a sense of freedom in my heart that threatens to overwhelm me.

It's been too long. Tears of happiness, of relief, nudge the corners of my eyes and I don't try to fight them, letting them fall, dripping onto the grass as I speed towards home. It feels liberating, allowing myself to fall in love with my werewolf side all over again. It sends me back, dragging up memories of my first ever shift.

****

I'd been feeling awful all day, kind of like I was expecting my period but the horrible cramps were all over my body. I was only sixteen, and had only been having my periods regularly for a few months, so I just assumed the pain was a new period pain that had just started. Acting as a typical teenager, I'd chosen not to tell anyone, locking myself up into my room and scrolling on my phone whilst feeling sorry for myself. At around dinner time, as the delicious scent of grilling meat wafted up the stairs, it was like a switch flipped inside my brain, suddenly turning all my senses on high alert. At first I was confused, the new emotion unfamiliar within me, my body bolt upright on my bed. Then, when my mum called me down to the table and I felt the desperation to go down, I'd realised what it was I was feeling. A craving. Now I knew about these already, remembered how my parents' friends had craved different foods during their pregnancy, and assumed that the same might be true of periods. So I'd bounded down the stairs, unable to resist the enticing smell, practically leaping along the corridor, mouth watering.