Damsel in Control (18+ Only) - The Rogue Pack

Chapter 27

Trigger warning for this chapter! A bit of BDSM and a mention of past abuse (nothing too explicit). Stay safe out there and enjoy xx

Taking a big deep breath, I slowly turn to face Isaac, bending my body to manoeuvre around his big form, still lodged between my legs. I force my Alpha aura to flow, allowing my power to build. This time it's not purely for show, it helps me ground myself, to feel a bit strong despite my very vulnerable position. I'm prepared for a fight, prepared to defend myself and my reaction. But despite how much I will it otherwise, and despite my Alpha power, I'm still shaking, small trembles coursing through my body as the flashbacks press against my mind. With a sharp inhale, I stop the tears from falling, halting them in their course. Yet despite all my efforts, when I finally complete my turn, I know my eyes are watery, my face probably ashen pale. My emotions like an open book on my face.

But surprisingly, when I finally glance up at his face, it is not an angry scowl that looks back at me. Isaac's expression is full of concern, his curious eyes tracking my every movement. His hand reaches out to softly rest on my knee. I know his eyes don't miss the way my body trembles in response yet he doesn't remove his hand. When I don't object to the contact he moves again, shifting from between my legs to sit beside me on the bed. There is something tender, caring, in his actions, but the pity in his eyes... I can't bear it. Rage wells up inside me, rage at how ruined I am, at how confused I am by what I want. I don't know what to say, how to start. I feel the need to explain that I don't need his pity, don't want his pity, don't deserve his pity. But that vulnerable child inside me cowers, knowing that if I open up even a little, I won't be able to stop. I don't want to share those personal thoughts and feelings with this complete stranger. Slightly ironic considering I was prepared to share my bed with him...

I squeeze my eyes shut, willing the tears not to fall. But that overwhelming confusion feels like it's invading my every pore. My head is swimming not only with indecisiveness about how to handle this, but with an inability to comprehend what is even going on. I don't know how to start computing these thoughts, just as I didn't know how I thought about Alice until the answer was right in front of me. Then he places his hand on my hair, softly stroking it in such a fatherly way, that I can't help the single sob that escapes me. My mental barriers falter slightly, a single tear tracking its way down my cheek. But I reel the emotions back in just as quickly. Using my rage to overcome the sadness, and then dampening down the anger until it simmers deep within me.

Finally I feel composed enough to look up at the man beside me. He hasn't moved, lips still pressed tightly together, eyes still full of pity. Yet he hasn't spoken a word since I turned to face him. His body touches mine, yet he isn't invading my space, giving me comfort without being overbearing.

"Sorry." My voice is still shaky, and I swallow harshly, urging myself to hide my emotions from this stranger.

"That's ok doll. I obviously hit a personal barrier." I snort in response. I guess that's one way to put it.

"Yeah..."

"You want to talk about it?" I peer up at him, this kind stranger who I randomly picked up in a bar, remembering how the only thing that had attracted me to him was that he was an Alpha, and that he was staring at me... and that he was mated. Just the memory of my choice, barely an hour ago, makes me cringe. I chose a mated wolf to sleep with. I'm nothing more than scum, nothing more than a cheap whore.

"No." I know what my trigger was, know what caused that panic, and no this stranger doesn't need to know about it.

"Ok, well in that case we should have a safe word in case it happens again. Don't want my baby doll panicking on me again do we?" The soft hints of dominance are easing back into his voice, testing the waters, and I can't help my body from reacting to him. Yet the fact that he's mated weighs heavily on my mind and I automatically shake my head.