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Sarah

Troubled Expressions Chapter

Life was never a dull moment. I was a kid who loved pokémon plushies and being comfortable.

Most people use to know me as a loud and obnoxious person. The truth was that wasn't me. It seemed like it was the demons screaming at me.

I am a blunt and direct person, but at the same time I cared for others. I was very insecure though, and easily manipulated. Very trusting of others. Maybe I'll try to be myself. But who knows.

I was bullied a lot. For these things. But I always stood for what was good. Maybe sometimes too much. I liked helping people. Despite my issues. I had a lot of them that I just pushed down. I liked to make fantasy worlds and imagine I had superpowers. I got bullied for being me, so I decided to make my own fantasy where people accepted me.

I have escaped and back into reality, where I don't feel like my self. And I couldn't handle it. So now, I'm here fantasizing. And here I am. Afraid of myself, seems like I'm in the cave. Shaking as a little girl who had to avoid emotions for so long.

Do I love people? I wish the world was nicer. I don't like being mean. It reminds me of what my mom and dad do, so it triggers me. When people need help with something, it reminds me of my mom berating me if I didn't do it exactly how she told me.

I come back into reality (sorta) once again. We are at Rose's house. Her house has a movie theater and I'm with Rose, Keith, and Derrick.

Derrick gives me a little bit butterflies. I don't know if it's because of my trauma though. He's really kind to me and gentle.

Rose and Keith are snuggling, sound asleep during this time. Rose and Keith wanted to make a friend group, and here it was. But tensions were rising between me and Derrick for some reason. For some reason, something was heating up. And I don't know how I could tell.

Enough to the point I was speculating Derrick had a crush on me. I shifted to closer to him, snuggling for a bit. Then I readjusted away from him, my ass facing him. He gave me a stare, almost as if he was admiring me sexually, but immediately he looked away after I caught him staring.

"Make me fajitas." I feel a blush rise in my cheeks but stop it immediately and tug at a blanket. I was trying to change the subject.

He smiles. "I'm not using the Rose's family's cooking equipment to cook you a fajita. I would have to go to the store at this time, and it's late."

"I need popcorn," I say softly.

"Of course, I'll microwave you some popcorn."

I started blushing again. And I think he noticed. I don't like to admit my feelings, but I was pleasant in this moment.

"Thank you," I say as he gets up.

"No problem," He smiles.

....
He comes back with popcorn for both of us to share. I am hungry. I am starving and haven't eaten. But my stomach was also nervous. He wasn't looking at the food, he was taking glance of me.

I was exposed. Vulnerable. No makeup. Just a normal t shirt and pajamas for this sleepover. His eyes dart to my arm, where there's a concealer spot. My eyes dart back to his, convulsing. My dad physically abused me yesterday, to the point of a big bruise. I tried my best attempts of covering it up. He is silent, with no words. I could tell the concealer was fading.

"Damaged goods, you know," I laugh my trauma off but suddenly the trauma doesn't go away.

He takes a bite of the popcorn. "Sarah, you are not defined by your trauma. Your POS parents don't define you, and they don't make you less attractive."

My eyes dart back to him. I mumble.

"Thank you."

I look at his lips. I am not good at this. When guys are nice to me, I hit the gas pedal. He is looking at my lips now and I knew if I made a move and kissed him, I would have a panic attack. I didn't even know if I liked him or not.

"We don't have to," He answers my unanswered question, "You seem nervous and scared. That's okay. I am too. Especially the things I said before. I don't need to confuse you."

"Rose would kill me," I make an excuse.

"And that means Keith would kill me by default right?" He makes a joke.

"Then we would both be killed!" I say.

He laughs.

I scream as I see the jumpscare and throw my popcorn at Derrick on accident. Rose mumbles and Keith still snores like a bear. Derrick is covered in kernels and his face is buttery.

"Hey somebody has to clean that up," he whispers in my ear.

"Or maybe I can just throw the rest of the bowl on your head."

I don't know what came over me, but I throw the rest of the bowl on his head. He laughs. I don't know if this is how I express affection, but I hope he likes it. I am weird and unique unfortunately. But at the same time, a caring individual.

He smiles. "God you are weird...but definitely not going to win this war."

He grabs the popcorn on the floor and puts it down my shirt. I scream like a banshee and that gets everyone up. Keith and Rose run over to me, and hit me with pillows.

"You woke us up," Rose screams like the walking dead and hits me with more pillows.

"You don't do that to my girl," He hits Rose with the pillow, and I start blushing.

But this all starts an all out war. Derrick and I versus Keith and Rose. With pillows.