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KAMISATO AYATO
As I though, I had trouble sleeping last night. No matter how many times I tried to shut my eye, the guilt made its presence known and I feel like I had just been dragged through the mud. Such is the amount of guilt I am facing.
One moment and it's already morning; much to my dismay. I woke up feeling exhausted, After what happened yesterday, I spent the rest of the day in the study. Thoma tried to bring me food but I refused to take it. Good thing is I finished all of my paperwork; bad news is I didn't feel different than before.
A few more days and I made mistakes after mistakes on that poor woman. What did she do? she's been a great servant and she continues to do so. Ayato, Ayato. What gives?
Am I really mad for hearing the news of resignation? Did I perhaps refuse to let her go just yet? Is that why I continued to humiliate her when there's no reason to.
I wore a simple yukata for the day, and my eyes seem fine; no eyebags or whatnot.
Breakfast was a bore. Y/N, again, did not prepare us breakfast, but instead would prepare dinner. Her duties for today kept her bound in the house, and I have yet to see her.
"....My lord?" Thoma waved a hand in front of me. Ah, I didn't notice. I shook my head, glancing at the blonde housekeeper.
"Apologies, Thoma. What is it?"
"Brother, are you okay?" Ayaka chimed in, a worried look plastered on her face. That's not okay, she shouldn't be worrying about me at times like this. She has other (more important) duties to take care of.
"You look so out of it, my lord. Are you ill?" Thoma continued to ask, mirroring my sister's worried look.
"I appreciate the concern, but there is nothing to worry about, just lack of rest," I informed then, to which I then turned to Thoma. "Cancel all of my meetings for today, maybe suggest a different time and an apology."
"Yes, my lord," he bowed, glancing at Ayaka before switching his gaze to me. "Please get as much rest as you need."
"I can stay as well, brot—"
"No. never get a day off for my sake, Ayaka." My sister has always been the one to worry about me, even for the slightest reasons. I know we said we got each other's back, but that doesn't mean she should push aside her duties for my wellbeing. I deserve this after all. "Go along now, the festival is almost complete isn't it?"
".... Yes."
"They surely would want to put finishing touches with you around. A team effort means to see through your project until the end. By the time the festival starts, I'll be there to check it out. Don't worry about me."
The servants lined up as usual after the breakfast, and there I saw Y/N right beside Thoma. As usual. She looked pretty downcast, and the rest of the servants showcase their worry. We didn't say a word. I informed them of my stay, and the servants (including her) bowed.
Now, I need to find some time to talk with her. alone.
"My lord!"
Ah, maybe soon.
I turned around to find Thoma waving at me as he approached me. The usual sunshine smile plastered on his face.
"Yes, Thoma?"
"I was wondering if you need anything? Medication, tea, whatever it is you name it!" Thoma asked nonchalantly, ready to help with however he could.
"There's nothing I could think of, maybe a nap is sufficient enough for my lack of sleep."
"Ah, okay then!" he nodded, though he made no effort to leave. Instead his voice toned down, the same worried look I saw this morning resurfaced. "...Also, did something happen between you and Y/N?"
"What?" The word slipped out of my mouth before I could even process it. I was hoping no one would notice, ah but this is Thoma I'm talking to. Still, was it that obvious?
"W-Well, after the news of resignation you both seemed pretty... down? You're quite on edge recently, my lord. and Y/N seems like there's a lot running through her mind..." Thoma explained, his posture relaxed as he looked at me. "Do you not want her to leave?"
Oh, Thoma. The same question popped up in my mind a lot last night.
I sent him a smile as I shook my head. "If that's what she wanted, then who am I to refuse?"
"Ah, but..." Thoma paused his words, seemingly trying to pick his words carefully. "my apologies for saying this, my lord, but your actions seem to be saying otherwise."
".... Are you saying I'm contradicting myself?" I questioned, genuinely surprised by the tone of my voice. Did I really contradict myself..?
"I... have no say in that, my lord," Thoma breathed out, before adding. "From the looks of it, it does seem like you were bothered by it. Maybe you should try persuading her to stay just a little bit longer? I do understand if you've grown attached to her presence."
.... Attached?
How unthinkable it is to think that I've grown attached to a servant. But then again, Thoma proved to me that I may have been contradicting myself recently. But am I attached to Y/N? Is that why I somehow felt heavy on letting her go?
... Have I grown attached?
"... Thank you for your input, Thoma. I'll see what I can do," I thanked him and left for my study. Too much is being processed, it even hindered my sleep schedule and work duties. What is happening to me...?
I sighed as I sat down, fingers tapping on my desk. Whatever it is, she doesn't deserve to have her last days in hell. I shall apologise and make up for the harm I've caused, that's the least I could do for someone who had been taking care of my household for such a long time.
As for whatever it is in my thoughts, I'll think about it later. But for today, I should really patch things up with her.
She deserved an apology, and she deserved her last days to be in peace.
