my beta boy | ✎

Z10

The girl sat by the window. She counted the days until they bled together, and the only way Sistine could keep track of the time was when she was brought to the clinic for her weekly checkup.

“Everything looks good,” said the kindly Gamma, handing R16 a wet wipe for her to clean the gel off her stomach.

“Do you have any questions?”

Sistine shook her head with a smile, “No, I’ve been briefed on what to expect.”

“It says here that you’ve been in since October, is that right?” The Gamma had auburn hair and eyes black as coal, but her tan skin reminded her of B73, whom she affectionately called Bee. Aem never got around to naming him… not after their falling out.

“You told me that you went to the Pleasure House with B73?” Sistine had said accusingly that fateful day she slept with Orion and B73. Looking back now, she realized that it was a turning point in her life. Everything seemed to stem from that one day.

“I didn’t,” Aem said, looking insulted.

“I asked you if you-you went there with B73…” Sistine faltered, “… and you said, ‘what if I had?’”

Aem nodded, her silky black tresses gleaming in the evening light, “What if I had?” She squinted her eyes at her friend suspiciously.

“Did you think that you have some kind of claim over him because you met him first?” It was R18’s turn to sound accusing.

“No!” Sistine denied, but there was no conviction in her voice, “I… I just thought–”

“Regardless of what you thought, what did it matter?”

Sistine bit her lower lip, “It doesn’t… I just didn’t like how you misled me.”

“I didn’t mislead you, R16. You made an assumption.” Sistine had never noticed how severe Aem could sound.

“Yes,” Sistine hung her head, “I did–”

“But why does it matter?” She was in full confrontation mode now and Sistine knew better than to shy away. Aem was direct and candid, everything that Sistine admired. What kind of hypocrite would she be if she turned away from her friend now?

“I just thought we could be honest with one another,” the excuse sounded weak even to Sistine.

“Why don’t you try being honest?” Aem said darkly. Sistine had never felt smaller, even though Aem was seated on the lower bunk and Sistine was standing in front of her.

She swallowed. It sounded needlessly loud to her, “I… wanted to be with him.”

The implication was clear to Aem and a small smile appeared on her face that was both amused and pitying at the same time, “What? You had to have him first? I couldn’t have him before you? Is that what you are saying?”

Sistine took a deep breath and summoned the courage to be brave, “Yes, I wanted him first.”

A laugh escaped Aem’s throat. It sounded harsh and condescending, “You need to learn how Society works. This is exactly why matrimony was abolished. We have rules about attachment. Did you fancy yourself in love with him? What are you going to do? Run away and have his babies? You said you wouldn’t change, and now you’re going to turn breeder for one boy you met three nights ago?”

When Aem put it like that, Sistine did feel rather silly. But when she thought about his deep brown eyes, how affectionate and sincere he was, the way he made her feel, deep in her heart… Was it really so silly not to want to share?