My Dilemma

Nightmare-17

Madison Snow

I jolted awake with my hands immediately wiping my eyes and my body shivering uncontrollably. My sobs could be heard from anywhere, they were echoing pains that disoriented my brain completely. Parts of my past I didn't want to remember.

There was a presence behind me and I knew who it was, she must've came upstairs once she heard the noise.

I was sat up and looked at the ceiling and inhaled a few times before the touch of my shoulder brought me back. When I flinched away she moved slower and let me lay in her arms whispering something incoherent down my ear. Nothing was helping but I just needed to know someone was there.

I put my head in her neck while the tears poured like a broken water tap, goosebumps were littering my entire body violently. Expanding the more I tried to talk. My throat clogged up and my breathing escalated further, nothing I tried was working.

I had been like this for days, at least 4 times a night and it was so hard. I just wanted sleep without the image of my dead mother engraved into my brain. She slept with my boyfriend. And didn't tell me. And now they're both dead and neither of them loved me. But she saved me? Why would she save me?

A voice rippled through my ears, surprisingly gentle, fragile. Her hand moved along my arm up and down while the other one traced light circles over my lower back.

She was being careful and I loved but hated every second of it.

The whole thing was just disgusting. I didn't need to be so weak and I especially didn't need to cry. Infront of her out of all people. Seriously Madison.

Stop crying.

I went to talk but I felt her hand tangle into the roots of my hair and hold me in place steadier than before. It was a comfort I was unused to.

"You don't need to speak if you are using all of your energy to survive, I tend to be fluent in silence too."

I didn't respond because she was right, maybe the best thing to say is nothing at all.

"But with that being said, sometimes things are heavy because you're not supposed to be the only one carrying them."

The words cut straight through me like a knife slicing meat on a chopping board.

It was so simple yet so much more complicated. She knew she wouldn't understand me if I spoke, but she also knew that she understood I didn't want to talk.

Not to her, not to anyone. I didn't need anyone and I sure as hell didn't want anyone. I did it on my own. I've always done it on my own. God Kamryn get your hands off me before I start liking it.

I mumbled into her chest after a few minutes of not speaking and she hummed in response.

"Stay."

I can't believe I was asking her to stay again. But a part of me knew I'd break if she were to leave. I hate being the one left with the memories.

It was as though she could read my mind.

"I'm staying, do you need anything?"

I said no and she nodded before wrapping her arms around my waist and turning me over so that my back was pressed into her front and my head was laying on her arm.

The pressure from her fingertips was relaxing, it was never like this with Jake or anyone before him. It was forced before but this felt right.

It is right, but it is not right now.

Sometimes it is not something you need, but rather someone.

Before I knew it I was fast asleep and the next time I awoke there was light outside and my alarm went off.

I turned it off on my phone and rolled over to find the bed empty, a part of my comfort was missing.

I made my way downstairs after having a quick shower to freshen up and went to check on Buddy, usually he barks all night but he hasn't made a sound. Come to think of it he usually attacks anyone who enters my house, even Arielle, I have to put him in another room while she's here. But he didn't attack Kamryn.

I looked everywhere but couldn't find him so I went into the living room and slowed my footsteps down immediately when I saw him.

He was lay on Kamryn's chest with his paws on her and his head right where her heart was. I crouched down next to them both and Buddy opened his eyes and looked at me.

I patted his head and smiled while looking at the usually bitchy girl. She looked gorgeous like this.

She had no guard up, her walls were completely down and she looked gentle. Just asleep and breathing, I guess you could say she seemed more human here than I would have ever thought.

She was human. After all these years being the worst person in the world to her I am sat here contemplating whether I want to be her or want her.

I whispered to buddy, "you feel safe there too huh?" after remembering that I fell asleep in her arms myself. She was comfortable and she knew exactly where to touch you that would make you calm down. And considering Buddy hasn't killed her yet I'm guessing she'll be here for a long time.