Her Dark Angels

Trusting Them

Sawyer;
"So, Sawyer are those boys good friends of yours?" Dr. Varsha asks.

I let out a stifled laugh. "Not exactly... They teased me for the last three years."

She looked at me with confusion written all over her face. "Really? They seem to care about you very much, like they want to protect you from everyone."

"Yeah... I'm just as confused as you. I have no idea what changed with them. But does it make me crazy that I feel safe with them? Even after everything they did to me over the last few years? Like some kind of trauma bond or something?" I asked genuine concern; tying to play it off.

She gave me a small smile and squeezed my leg. "In my professional opinion I'd say you would be at risk for trauma bonding. But I personally don't think that's the case here. You've always felt alone and this is the first time someone is with you; willing to protect you from everything. And you desperately want and from what I have seen and heard, need it... have they ever hurt you, physically before?" Dr. Varsha asked, concern written all over her face.

I let out a snort at her question. "No, they would never lay a hand on me. They mostly pulled pranks, said some jokes, mostly catcalls and teasing. The girls they hang out with are the ones who add to the scars and bruises I already had from my father." Sighing, I lay back reliving the memories.

"I see... you may feel skeptical because they're all acting and treating you differently from how you're used to. But you know they would never hurt you unlike your father and that's why you feel safe with them."

I thought over what she said and it was really making a lot of sense. I knew Kason before he joined The Dark Angels and I trusted him with my life, but I had been so ashamed of everything that was happening to me at the hand of my father. I never told him, not from lack of trust but because I didn't want him trying to save me and seeing me so broken. I just wanted to be normal even if it was for a short period of time. If he busted in like Prince Charming who knows what my father would've done. If he would have gotten hurt trying to save me.. I couldn't have lived with myself... having someone die trying to protect me once was hard enough to live with.

" I want to trust them because they make me feel safe and I don't have anyone else. But it somehow feels... right; to be with them. The only thing holding me back is what if once I leave with them it goes back to the way it was before... or even worse. I don't think I can go through that again, that feeling of being so alone..." Tears began to well up in my eyes, blurring my vision even more.

My tears may be blurring my vision more at the moment but images were becoming more clear over the last few hours or so. But fear of my father and trying to think off what I'm gonna do to protect myself has pushed it to the back burner. Not that I'm not grateful to have my sight back, I just have more pressing matters that I have control over.

"We will never know people's true intentions, which is why we have to take a leap of faith and hope for the best. The world is filled with choices you'll have to take 'leaps' for. We may want to know all the answers to every choice we have to make, but that just isn't how life works. So take the leap of faith with the boys, and if they disappoint you then move on. Protect your heart, but let people in. Even if it's just a little, so they can see how amazing you are." She said gently, as she softly wiped my fallin' tears away.

"Now we need to discuss your home situation... you told me what your father has done, and we both know it's not safe for you to go back there. Even though you're still in high school, you're legally an adult so we can place you in a women's shelter. They'll provide you with a safe place to live. Would that be something you'd be interested in?"

I considered her words carefully. Asher said I could stay with them, but could I really do that? Can I trust them enough to?

"Is that my only option?" I asked quietly.