Y/N POV:
dk has been acting a little differently lately. he usually comes off as pretty confident and sure of himself, but he's been insecure. i know that he always loves to put on a happy face and cheer everyone up, but i know he's dealing with things of his own deep down. i've always tried to get him to open up, but to no avail. we're hanging out with the guys, bottles of soju being passed around. everyone has invited a couple friends, so it's getting quite crowded. it's very warm outside, but dk insisted on wearing baggy jeans and a hoodie. i tried to talk him out of it saying he will overheat, but it didn't work. he's starting to look really hot, so i walk over to him.
i stand behind where he's sitting, and play with his hair.
"oh, hey" he says with a soft smile as he looks up at me.
"hi cutie. do you wanna take your hoodie off, i'll put it inside for you" i say calmly.
he looks up at me upside down from where he's sitting, and shakes his head no lightly. he looks adorable. he answers "no thank you, i'm okay".
i decide not to push it any further. i place a soft kiss on his forehead. he smiles, one of the first real smiles since we've gotten here.
"what are you guys up to?" i ask, seeing the table erupting in laughs.
he turns around in his chair a little to face me.
"they are playing some new game dino made up, i decided to sit this one out".
they look like they are having a lot of fun and i wish dk wanted to join.
"maybe next round, yeah?" i say, pushing his hair away from his forehead. he nods simply saying "yeah, maybe".
i head back over to the girls and talk with them for a little bit while keeping my eye on dk. he's not talking much, and seems distracted. he hasn't even touched the beer, which is unlike him. he's paying a lot of attention to everyone else, and fiddling a lot. he's been comparing himself to others a lot recently, sadly. he came to me one day randomly saying that he talks too much and it annoys everyone, or that he's too fat and needs to work out more. no matter what i say his mindset stays negative. i just want my dokyeom back.
i'm about to go over to him when i see him stand up from his seat. he looks around for me, spotting me by the fire pit. he sees i'm talking with the girls and almost turns around to go back to his seat but i stop him.
"babe!" i call out, grabbing his attention. "come join us" i smile.
he shyly walks towards us, apologizing for interrupting the conversation. the girls all look a little confused, as even they notice it isn't typical dk behavior. they assure him he didn't interrupt anything. i give them a shrug of 'i don't know' when he's not looking.
i sit down on the bench and take his hand, making him sit next to me. i lean back on the arm of the bench, sitting sideways a bit. i pull him into me so he's resting slightly on my chest, giving me perfect access to play with his hair. this always calms him down. he takes my free hand in his and fiddles with the rings on my fingers.
he looks up at me for a moment, giving me a soft kiss on my cheek.
"you okay honey?" i ask, knowing that he probably won't give me much. he just nods, trying to give a convincing "i'm fine", with a small smile.
more people gather around the fire and they start telling stories from trainee days. this is usually right up dk's alley, but he is not really paying attention. he's playing with his hoodie strings as i stay playing with his curls, appearing from being so hot and humid. he's watching the fire, and i watch as the reflection of the flames dance in his eyes. he takes out his phone and takes a picture of it. i love how he's always had an eye for the little things in life.
"and oh my god do you remember that one time that dk almost threw up in the elevator because he drank a whole liter of coke right before practice?" scoups announces, making everyone laugh loudly.
i look down at my boyfriend, who just gives a one sentence bland response, faking a laugh. it hurts me to see him like this. the environment isn't the same without him being him.
"love" i say, patting his side, "come inside with me?" i ask. he says a soft okay before standing up with me and walking inside. i go to the kitchen and get him a cup of water, seeming as he's probably dehydrated. i lean on the counter as he sits down on a bar stool across from me. i slide him the water as he mutters a soft
"thank you". he takes a few sips.
"you're welcome baby. wanna tell me why you're so quiet out there, hmm?" i ask gently.
"i'm sorry. i just don't really feel like talking too much tonight." he responds, looking down at his cup.
"you don't have to be sorry. we just miss your stories and your jokes. you're the life of the party!" i say, trying to lighten the mood a little.
he just does a shy smile, clearly a bit forced. i walk to the other side of the counter and sit on the stool next to him.
"please baby, talk to me. i want to help you" i plead, really needing him to talk now. i take his hand gently and hold it in his lap. he turns his stool towards me and looks into my eyes. tears start to swell up and he doesn't even say anything before he just starts crying. he leans forward, putting his weight onto me, and just finally letting go of everything he's been carrying.
"oh baby" i sigh, wrapping my arms around him. i stand up from the stool as he hugs my torso, leaning his head into my stomach. i rub my arms up and down his back, letting him cry.
"sometimes i don't think anybody likes me but you" he says through the tears.
i frown, upset that he would ever think that.
"angel, i can't even express to you how much that isn't true" i say, not even knowing what to say. he looks up at me with his eyes red and puffy.
"i just want to be alone with you forever" he says, with a slight pout, honestly very cute.
"as much as i would love that baby, your friends and family would be very sad. they love you so much. can you please tell me what happened to make you think this way?" i ask, trying to get to the bottom of this.
he sighs, "i just feel like i annoy everyone. they always make jokes about how loud i am, how much i talk. i've even heard things about how i need to get in the gym more, and i'm slacking and falling behind them. i just feel like i'm a piece of shit" he rants.
"i'm sorry, babe. i didn't know they had been saying those things. i know it hurts you, but they are just joking. they are not trying to get at you. i think you should talk to them, tell them how it makes you feel" i say, assuring him.
he sighs, "i guess". clearly not feeling much better.
"look at me" i say, tilting his head up. he meets my eyes, paying attention to me. "you could talk every second of every day for the rest of forever and i would never get tired of it. i know they feel that way too. they always tell me about how the band would be nowhere without you. and how you are the sunshine of the group, holding them together when things get tough. they tease you out of love. they don't know what they would do without you. and neither would i".
he wipes a stray tear away from his cheek.
"i love you" he states, serious as ever. i know by the i love you that he took in everything i said.
"i love you too, dokyeom. you're my favorite person in the world" i say wholeheartedly. he leans up to reach my face level and kisses me, a really perfect kiss.
"you're burning up. please take off your hoodie, i'm worried about you" i beg.
he reluctantly agrees.
"arms up!" i say, laughing and pretending like he's a little kid. he giggles and raises his arms so i can slide the sweatshirt off. i place it on the counter and pull his tshirt down, as it rode up during the process. i squeeze his arm muscles, saying,
"now why would you hide these?" in an attracted kind of way, letting him know how perfect he is. he starts to lighten up and flexes his arm in my hand,
"hmmm i guess you're right, i'm basically the strongest man alive" he says, raising an eyebrow.
i smile at him, so incredibly happy that he's returning to his normal self.
"i missed you baby, don't ever let the sunshine leave you again."
