you feel the couch shake as his leg bounces up and down for probably the billionth time tonight. you gently rest your hand on his knee, making him stop immediately upon your touch. he turns his head towards you, shooting you a shy smile.
"sorry baby" he mumbles, knowing he's been doing it a lot. he puts his arm behind you and pulls you into his side. he taps his fingers lightly on your arm as he pretends to watch the movie. it only lasts a few minutes before he removes his arm and stands up from the couch.
"dude watch out! you're blocking the best part!" hoshi yells as your boyfriend walks in front of the tv.
all the others throw out lighthearted "boos" as dokyeom flips them off and lingers in front of the tv purposefully. once he moves out of the way he stands in the doorway of the kitchen,
"anyone want anything from the kitchen?" he asks.
a few of them silently shake their heads, some not even registering that he spoke as they are glued to the movie on the screen. your boyfriend just chuckles to himself, shaking his head before he catches your eye. he knows you at least would never ignore him.
"need anything, baby?"
you smile at him, "i'm good for now, thank you though".
you watch him as he turns the corner and disappears into the kitchen. you start to worry about how he's been a little distracted all night, and a little more quiet than usual. he's barely been able to sit still. he's not usually one to talk about how he's feeling, or even ask for help when he needs it. this leaves you unsure whether or not you should bring it up.
a couple minutes go by and he hasn't come back yet. you hear some noise coming from inside so you decide to go see if he needs help with anything. you find him cleaning up the dinner mess we all left on the table.
"whatcha doin in here?" you ask, making your presence known.
he turns around briefly to find you standing at the counter, and he shoots you a soft smile. only you see that it doesn't quite reach his eyes like it usually does.
"oh, i just thought i would clean some of this up" he shrugs, not slowing down his pace on doing so.
you walk a few steps closer to him. "in the middle of the movie?" you ask cautiously. you want to let him come to you. you don't want to force it out of him.
he just shrugs again in response, and keeps picking up the dirty plates.
"babe" you say gently, meeting him at the table.
he doesn't hear you as he's lost in a daze, filling the garbage can up with all the trash.
"kyeom" you say a bit louder, putting your hand on his shoulder.
he turns around at that, stopping what he's doing.
"let's go home" you say. you don't give anymore of an explanation. you just know that you need to get to the bottom of this funk before it gets worse. he can get really far from himself if he lets it brew for too long.
"okay" he says softly, not even attempting to put up a fight.
you come up with a random excuse for leaving the movie night, and make it home quickly. you throw your shoes off at the door and make yourself comfy on the couch, watching as your boyfriend trudges in and slowly takes off his shoes. when he's done, he looks up at you on the couch, but doesn't move.
"come here, sweetheart" you say softly, opening your arms to him.
he moves towards you and lays down between your legs, his head resting on your chest. you throw a blanket over the both of you, earning a content sigh from him. things have been so busy recently that you don't do this enough as you should. you've missed being this close to him, basking in the silence and comfort.
you bring your hand up to his hair and play with it gently. "do you want to talk about it, honey?" you ask.
he sighs a little, "its stupid".
you wish he didn't think that way. if something is bothering him, there is no way it could ever be stupid. all of his feelings are valid and he seems to always think otherwise.
"if it's making you upset, it's not stupid baby. i'm here for you" you remind him.
he just nods against your chest, burying his head into you. he stays silent. okay, so no talking yet, that's okay. you let him think about it without prying him any further. your hands make steady patterns on his back, even reaching under his hoodie to reach his bare skin. he tightens his grip on your waist before taking a deep breath.
"this comeback has been really hard on me. both mentally and physically" he starts, still keeping his head buried in your chest. "i can't seem to do anything right. i'm having trouble with the choreography, every time i get into the studio i almost leave in tears, i'm struggling with eating" he rants on. he looks up at you finally, and you're able to see his beautiful eyes now threatened with tears. "i know i should be grateful that this is my life, i shouldn't even be complaining". he shakes his head at himself, dismissing his thoughts, then looks away.
"baby" you gently lift his chin up so that he's looking at you again. "you are allowed to feel everything you are feeling. your job is very demanding, love. nobody said it was easy" you say gently, stroking your thumb on his cheek.
"with all that being said, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. i know you will work yourself until perfection, but you need to remember to breath. everyone will still love you regardless. even if you mess up a dance move here and there, or you forget a lyric or your voice cracks. it doesn't matter. that's microscopic compared to the radiating talent you have, kyeom. you have something special. you ARE something special" you say. you sweep his fluffy hair off his forehead to leave a soft kiss.
his eyes glisten as he stares up at you. you hope you got through to him, and made him feel a little better. even if its a little bit at all.
"you have a beautiful support system of people who love and care about you. the guys will always be here for you. they are the only people on this earth who know exactly what you are going through. don't ever hesitate to talk to them about this, because i know for certain you won't be the only one feeling this way. and as for me, i am here for you whenever you need to talk. even if you don't need to talk, that's fine too. we'll just come right here on this couch, and i'll hold you until you feel human again" you say quietly, kissing his cheek.
he leans up and presses a kiss to your cheek as well. then he moves to place a kiss on your other cheek, then your forehead, and lastly ends on your lips.
"you are perfect. thank you, seriously. i love you so much. you are the reason i am able to be who i am. and laying here with you makes everything worth it." he says, genuineness written all over his face.
"i love you more, kyeom" you say before you let the silence take over again.
the two of you stay on the couch until he falls asleep in your warmth. you continue playing with his hair, rubbing his back, and leaving soft kisses on his beautiful face. you just let him know you are here for him, you are never far away.
