Apparently, that fan saw your arms, and it only took about half of a day for hashtags about your self-harm to be all over Twitter, and pictures to be on every social media site. You knew it wouldn't take long for a magazine or YouTube channel to catch a good whiff of it. Basically, all hope of keeping this a secret was gone, and now everyone knew. The worst part was, people, didn't see this as any reason to stop hating many even saw this as a start. The hashtags
#KeepCuttingY/N #KillYourselfY/N #Y/NStopEating trended in no time. That's when you realized, you weren't even famous, Ashton was. You are just dating him but people still acted liked you weren't human. You had no idea how you were going to make it through this.
"Babe please don't listen to them," Ashton said as he saw you looking down at your phone.
"I'm fine Ash. Don't worry about it," you say looking up and faking a smile at him. You were sat in a chair with your legs curdled to your chest. Ashton was laying on the bed watching something on T.V. but, honestly, you couldn't get it out of your head. The urge came crashing into your thoughts. It wrapped you up but kept a perfect bow on top as a smile. You felt your sanity being pulled out of you as if it was stuffing in a broken stuffed animal. All of it overwhelming. Flashes of your brothers funeral. Your mom and dad fighting. Razors. Hiding food. Throwing food away. You felt as though someone was shoving these thoughts into you. Like you didn't even really choose this. You saw Ashton glance over at you.
"Babe are you sure you're okay?"
"ASH I'm fine!" You say raising your voice a little. He looked down and nodded.
"I'm gonna head over to the other room. I think we are doing a twit cam or something," he paused and looked at you. "You're welcome to come in you want, um uh," he looked down. You could hear his voice start to get shaky. He was on the verge of tears.
"Ash, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm just a little tangled up right now," you said rubbing the sides of your head. Ash came over and slide his fingers into yours and kissed your forehead. Then he whispered, "I love you, and there is nothing anyone or thing could do to change that."
"Ash, I'm not good for you. I'm a freaking mess. I'm practically a grenade with the pin pulled just waiting to explode, and I don't want you to get hurt, Ashton. I love you too much."
"You won't hurt me, darling," he said kissing your forehead gently. You let your hands fall into your lap and his fell with yours. He played with your limp fingers for a while. He traced little designs into your hand. Then he lifted your hands up and folded them over and gently kissed them. He held them on his lips with his eyes closed for a few moments. Then he got up and left the room. A single tear fell down your check you let a few follow.
The only thing running through your mind was "What have you done?" You felt the salty sting of your tears in your mouth. You went to the bathroom, locked the door. You put several cuts on your arm. Once the bleeding stopped you went over to the other room. When you knocked on the door you heard Calum yell "I THINK SOMEONE IS HERE!" You giggled a little.
Then you heard Ashton say "It's probably y/n." Then one of their managers opened the door and motioned you in. You went and sat in the spiny chair by the desk. You laughed and giggled as the boys were all weird and shit. Then Luke read off a twitter question "WHERE IS y/n?? WE HAVE SEEN ENOUGH OF YOU GUYS!" Calum looked over at you and yelled, "Y/N GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!!!"
You rolled your eyes and said, "Calum I'm less than 3 meters away, you don't need to yell!" Then Ashton got up and picked you up and carried you over to the bed where Mikey was holding the laptop. When he set you down your body was awkwardly twisted and it didn't help when Ash laid on top of you. You started giggling and that made Ashton laugh.
"No stop you're making me laugh!" You yelped.
"Why is it bad that you're giggling?" Ashton said.
"Because I have a terrible giggle. It's really annoying!"
Ashton stopped laughing and look you in the eyes "I think your giggle is adorable, and it's sexy" he whispered the last part.
"Oh ho ho! So you think my giggle is..." Before you could finish Ashton jumped up and started tickling you.
"No! no!" You tried to say, but it was really hard to breathe whilst being tickled.
"What? What did you say?" Ashton laughed. Calum took the computer and jumped over to the other bed. "Oh my god what are you two doing? Stop that's nasty! All of you are nasty!" Ashton stopped tickling you and looked over at Calum. Then he got up and walked over to hit him on the arm.
"Careful cal, I know things," you smirked, and he shot you a look. You walked over and sat next to Calum.
"Hey! guys this is my pet koala bear. It likes to have its head rubbed like this," the Calum started stroking the top of your head while he wrapped his other arm around your shoulder.
"What are you doing?" you questioned.
"I'm rubbing my koala bear's head."
"No your not, you're stroking it," you say whilst giving him a dull look. Then you giggle.
"You dirty minded freak!" Calum said while he pushed your face with his hand.
"Calum this is why no one likes you. All you do is mess up people's hair and be mean to them!"
