Cruel World - Thomas Shelby

You'll be the first who ever did

A burning dryness coated my throat, and I realised what would happen if I tried to verbally announce our arrival, so I opted to simply slow down my pace and turn towards my house, as Tommy and I got closer, hoping he got the hint. My legs almost gave way, the closer we got and I felt the tight ropes around my mind, the ones also holding back my tears, slowly unravelling.

The sun hadn't quite gone past the horizon but was hidden by ominously dark blankets of clouds. An abundance of my own dark blonde hair, was lifted by a sharp wind, obstructing the view of the small, black door stood in front of me.

My mouth was dry and my efforts to swallow proved difficult.

'Alright then.' I made an effort to make my voice some level and monotone, as if, as soon as we were on my street I hadn't almost burst into tears, and turned around to nod goodbye to Tommy.

'Thank you!' I interrupted myself turning back around to open the door by speaking, and instantly my thoughts turned from wanting to cry and feeling sorry for myself, to overwhelming, cascading guilt.

The journey from the canal had taken about twenty minutes, and the whole time, I hadn't given my thanks for saving my life.

'That's alright.' he smiled as he spoke and I couldn't understand why.

I certainly wouldn't have given someone a smile as genuine as that if they had taken almost half an hour to thank me for saving them from drowning, but, nevertheless, I was glad that I had gotten a smile so forgiving and warm from Thomas Shelby.

'Honestly, thank you.'

We both let the snowflakes of silence settle into a soft rug on our feet.

'I thought I was going to die, I really did,' my voice was rushed but sincere and I thought I might cry again, 'I don't think Will was going to help at all.' My tone had then turned familiarly sour.

'Yeah,' Tommy's eyebrows raised, 'Bit of an arse, ey, to push you in?'

I couldn't help but agree with a smile. Will was a nuisance more often than not, but I usually didn't appreciate anyone's but my scolding of him, however, I didn't even feel a flicker of annoyance as his comments towards Will. It made me feel rather content. 

Then, I realised that Alice probably wasn't talking to him, and if his friends were, that were undoubtedly also slagging him off, behind his back and let a bashful satisfaction settle in my stomach.

'Goodbye, then.' I walked backwards towards my door.

'Goodbye.' And he spun around to walk off. I felt the coldness of the handle of the door, and twisted it. It wouldn't open - of course, it was locked, I realized, I always locked it behind myself. Fumbling through my pockets, I touched a match box, and then a loose, damp, half-burned cigarette. Unsurprisingly, I hadn't remembered where I placed the key but knew that I had it. I reached for the pocket on the inside, where I placed my book earlier.

My book, I thought, the book that was currently sat somewhere on the canal floor, along with my abandoned coat. Along with my keys.

'Shit!'

My father was working nights, he wouldn't be back until early morning.

'Fucking bollocks!'

My shouts where so loud, I'm certain that the whole street, along with Tommy, who wouldn't even had managed to make his way round the corner yet, heard and snapped their attention over to me. I felt the tears I had been denying well unforgivingly in my eyes, and wanted to throw up, as I tried to not let them fall onto my face.