THANK YOU // DEX ✔️

11.

"Believe me," Siyoung turned her chair to see her best friend, who was sitting on the black couch in her studio, "I can't come up with a song. Seriously, I can't." Siyoung lowered her head and looked at her blue slippers, a gift she received a year ago from Serim for helping them with the album.

"How come you're out of ideas? Weren't you always full of ideas? You used to whine to me on your phone that you didn't know what song to write first because you had so many ideas," Jiwon asked her. Siyoung still remembered the days when she cried on the phone, saying she didn't know what song to write first because her head was bursting with ideas. But now she had no ideas, and she'd rather crawl under the covers and never come out for a long time.

"That terrible dream that kept me awake for two years is still haunting me," Siyoung explained, "I hadn't had it for weeks, so I thought I was getting better. But it came back again. Everything changed after I met Jinyoung. I shouldn't have let him get close."

"And the old Siyoung is back," Jiwon rolled her eyes, "do you really think Dex is behind those dreams?"

"Come on, think about it. It all started after he greeted me in that cafe. That day, I felt my trauma resurface after a long time. Until then, I managed to avoid all such situations. Then Jinyoung appeared on the scene, and it all started again. I wish I hadn't met him. I wish I'd never started talking to him," Siyoung kicked the chair next to her, and it fell to the ground.

"Are you really going to say this?" Jiwon asked, "are you really going to blame your fear on some guy? Just give up on him. Stop replying to him and stop talking to him altogether. Erase him from your life, but do you know what will happen?"

"No, what?"

"Your fear will win over you, and it shouldn't. Weren't you taught that in karate or something? Or did I hear it in that Cobra Kai series? It doesn't matter, but the quote is good," Jiwon lightened the situation with her speech, "do you want your fear to win over your body? Do you want that fear to influence you so much that you'll never find anyone again? Do you want to spend your whole life trembling in a corner whenever a guy talks to you?" Jiwon almost shouted. Siyoung was afraid that someone would come soon because they would be curious about what was happening.

"I don't want fear to consume me, but you don't know how bad that relationship was," a tear rolled down Siyoung's cheek, "you weren't there. You didn't experience it. It's not that easy, and when that dream keeps coming back, you feel everything all over again, and maybe it's even worse because your subconscious keeps reminding you of that pain." Jiwon didn't let her friend finish. She hugged her tightly and didn't let go. Siyoung started crying.

She needed this hug from her best friend. She needed to vent. She needed her friend by her side.

And her friend was right. She didn't want her fear to be the reason why she didn't do many things in her life. But that wound was really deep, and she was scared. She was scared of that dream. She was scared someone would do something to her. She was scared Jinyoung would hurt her – Seojun was the same. He used to be all smiles, and then he showed his true self. She was afraid Jinyoung will do the same, that he will be all smiles, pretend to be great, and then hurt her.

She didn't know whether to take the risk or play it safe.

Was the risk worth ruining her life?