Burn Into Me (Into Me Series Book Two)

Chapter Twenty - Heartbeat

I glare at Jackson who sits across from me at the table, leisurely drinking his coffee and reading a case report on his iPad. It's his second cup of coffee today. I want a second cup of coffee, but I can't have it because of the baby. And so I sit here and I glare.

My leg bounces anxiously. Today's the start of week eight, which means that I get my first ultrasound. The "dating" ultrasound, I think they call it. This also means that we get to hear the heartbeat for the first time today. To say that I am cautiously excited would be an understatement. I'm actually sort of horrified. I still have a strong belief that every time something good happens, something bad is coming.

What if the baby doesn't have a heartbeat? What if it's not developing correctly? What if the placenta hasn't attached correctly? What if there is a congenital defect already? What if there's more than one baby? What if there is no baby at all? These are all possible outcomes of this ultrasound. Everything has been going too well with this pregnancy so far, something has to go wrong, right?

"Are you still nauseous?" Jackson asks me.
"Ehh, sorta," I drag, pushing my piece of toast around on the plate in front of me.
"You need to eat, mon ange," Jackson tells me.
"I know I do, but it's not helpful if I just end up throwing it up," I reason.
"Just try, please? For me?"
"After the ultrasound. After we know everything is okay," I bargain.
"Okay," Jackson agrees.

We fall back into our comfortable silence, both getting lost in our own thoughts again. I swallow the ever-growing lump in my throat as I rest my hand on my stomach. I try to calm my racing thoughts and focus on my breathing. This has to be good. I don't think I can survive if it isn't.

"Do you care... if I come with you?" Jackson asks carefully.
"Hmm?" I ask, pulling my attention to him.
"Do you care if I come with you to the ultrasound?" he clarifies.
"Oh, do you want to come?" I ask.
"If you're okay with it, I would love to," he smiles, almost looking... shy? Holy shit, is he shy about this?
"Sure, the more the merrier," I shrug. "I just assumed that you wouldn't want to go."
"Why would you think that?"
"I don't know. I guess the idea of a transvaginal ultrasound doesn't sound all that appealing to me so I assumed it would be the same for you."
"I'm sorry... a trans-what ultrasound?"
"Vaginal?" I respond, my voice ticking up in pitch at the end. "The probe goes inside of my vagina instead of on top of my stomach."
"Why? Why would they make you do that? That sounds so uncomfortable," Jackson gasps, looking deeply offended.
"Well, the baby is tiny as fuck right now and is hard to see, so the less tissue that the soundwaves have to go through, the better," I explain.
"Being a woman sounds horrible..."
"Welcome to my world."

"Have I thanked you yet today for growing our child and putting your body through hell for them?" Jackson wonders.
"Yes, twice," I chuckle.
"Oh, well I'm going to say it again," he announces, standing. "Thank you for growing our child and putting your body through hell for them." He presses a kiss to my lips, transferring the taste of coffee to me.
"Anytime," I smile.
He takes my plate from in front of me, "What time is the appointment?"
"Uh, 8:15," I tell him, leaning so I can see the clock in the living room. It's currently 7:46.
"We need to get moving then," he says, walking toward the kitchen.

We both pull ourselves together into actual functioning human adults. I decide that I want to drive today, needing the distraction from my own thoughts. Jackson keeps his hand firmly planted on my inner thigh, just like he always does. Music plays quietly over my speakers; a familiar song that I sing along to. Jackson chews on his cuticles nervously as his leg bounces. I focus my attention back on driving, really not wanting to get us into an accident. People are driving like fucking assholes today.

As we roll up to a red light, I glance over at Jackson. He's focused on the family on the corner waiting for the crosswalk signal, a small smile resting on his lips. He must feel my gaze on him because he turns to look at me, his smile growing.