In the spotlight

43

Sofia Christensen

The elevator's doors closed in front of me with a dingling sound. I turned my body around and faced the huge full-body mirror in front of me. I tried to fix the hair on top of my head with my shaky hands and smoothed the side of my deep red dress.

I was a mess. My therapist's words about paying attention to breathing echoed in my head, but nothing proved effective enough to help me calm down. Once the doors flung open in front of me, I broke out in a cold sweat.

A waiter greeted me and held the main entrance doors open. I informed him about the reasons of my arrival and followed him to a slightly remote part of the restaurant. Dim lights lit up the space, and the glass on the sides of the room reflected it back while also providing a beautiful scenery of the French capital under us.

This whole area was very quiet. No people were seated here, even though the exterior space I came from was full of dining people and staff. That was until we took another few steps inside, and I felt my heart flutter in my chest.

"Sofia!" He spotted me from behind a beautifully prepared table. His emerald green eyes glistered under the dim lights, and my heart warmed up upon seeing his face. God, I missed this feeling.

A smile formed on my face when his face lit up. He stood up from the table and got around it, pulling the chair out in front of his. I thanked him before sitting up, watching as he returned to his previous position as well.

"Thank you for coming." Matteo cleared his throat; it was easy enough to spot his anxiousness. I couldn't deny how much I loved the effect I had on this man and started to like the emotions he aroused just by his presence near me.

"Hard to decline an invitation like that." I told him with a small smile I hid behind the wine glass I lifted to my mouth, taking a sip of the alcohol. He remembered my favorite wine.

"What can I say? I had to think of something big." A wide and very contagious smile appeared on his face, and even I laughed out softly.

"Have you found a name for her yet?" He inquired about my kitten. I ended up telling him every little detail about Freyja over 5 different courses of dinner.

We immersed in several different topics during the dinner up until the very end of our stay in the restaurant. We had so many topics and events we had to tell each other, laughing after every single one of them. Time flew by incredibly quickly, and I felt as if I was back in Barcelona again.

The quickly approaching end of this evening caught us both off guard. We both left the restaurant together, feeling the atmosphere getting a little heavier around us. We both knew that there were still some unsaid words between us; we just didn't know how to start telling them.

In no time, we exited to the huge square, right under the center of the Eiffel Tower. The night lights were already shining on the monumental building, and crowds of people were waving around us here and there around the metal structure.

"I didn't realize it was so late already." I mused as I looked up to the sky. The moon was high already, and a pleasantly warm breeze caressed our skin.

"I do not want you to walk alone at night." Matteo snapped his head towards me while I waited for him to elaborate. "If it is okay with you." It's not like I would have denied his offering anyway. I shot a smile in his direction, and we took off, walking away from the Eiffel Tower right next to each other.

"So uhh.." Matteo wanted to speak up, but he was clearly struggling with the words.

"You do not have to talk about it." I gently placed my hand on the back of his arm. Whatever was bothering him about the incident, I could clearly see how hard it was to get started.

"My previous relationship started exactly like that. Few months after it had a very ugly ending to it, and I spiraled down to a deep depression to the darkest months of my life." He sighed, while I listened to him quietly.

"When I woke up... everything felt too sudden. I was very angry with myself as well. I have planned out everything beforehand, and I felt that I let you down with most of our special moments. The first kiss, the first night, everything. Remember when I told you that I was afraid I wouldn't be good enough for you?" He traced his eyes down at me. Sadness glistered in them under the street lamps, and I nodded. Of course I remembered, and I also remembered how I didn't believe him.

"I was serious about it. You made me feel so alive and occupied my thoughts day and night, whatever I was doing. The least I could have done was give you some of the most special moments of your life. And I ruined everything on that night."

"In the heat of the moment, I thought that running would be the ideal solution. I mean, we knew each other for like, what, a month? And I was already overwhelmed by feelings I didn't know existed before towards you. I thought that if I disappeared, you wouldn't have to deal with my unreliable mental health, and I wouldn't have to see your disappointment."

"Disappointment?" I interrupted him unintentionally. "You thought that I was disappointed in you?" I asked him incredulously. For a moment I thought that my own ears had failed me.

"I didn't really know what I felt. But what I definitely knew was the fact that I regretted leaving you well before I actually did." I sure had to admit that this man had his way with words. I praised everyone above that I could keep my composure even when I felt weak in the knees.

"I tried to get in contact afterwards. Kept sending letters until your manager replied. Did not want to piss him off even more after that." He chuckled.

"Oh, Jamie is one of the sweetest souls on this planet. He wrote you back that only because your letters couldn't have reached me either way." I shrugged my shoulders before continuing.

"When I mentioned that I was in Los Angeles..." I cleared my throat. "I was in rehab." His eyes widened slightly; I could see hundreds of questions popping up in his head.

"Oh god, I never knew..." He was about to apologize once again. Fright was clearly visible on his face.

"It wasn't, uh, entirely because of you." I was searching for the appropriate words. "I have been struggling with anorexia since the age of 16. Sometimes it's asymptomatic; sometimes it turns up without a warning." I surprised myself with how easily I could open up to Matteo.

"Only my parents, Jamie, and my best friends know about it. I do not want the press to start writing about my condition."

"When you showed up again on the fashion week..." I sighed, fixing my gaze on the familiar building that was getting closer and closer with each step we took. "I was very afraid. I said many things I didn't actually mean. I expected that if I refuse your apology, forcing you to stay away from me, you will eventually give up like Haydar did. And I am very..." I was interrupted by his arms around my waist and shoulder as he turned me towards him.

"Please, do not apologize." He asked me in a low tone. His eyes looked straight into mine, almost black and full of emotions. My heart was racing like crazy as our bodies touched, and I could barely catch my breath.

"Sofia, I know I messed up, but I had to realize that there is nothing I want more than being on your side through thick and thin. I will do everything in my power to prove how important you are to me. I can't bear one more day without you in my life." He took my hands into his, lifting them up slightly near his chest.

My eyes widened in shock, and I was left without words. The man who just barged into my life like a thunderstorm all those months ago stood in front of me, who lifted me up to the heavens, who made me experience feelings I had never thought existed before. There was nothing I wanted more in the whole world than having him as close to me as possible.

"Just kiss me already." I mumbled in a state of complete trans; I was hypnotized by his words. He looked into my eyes deeply before laughing out softly. And he did exactly that.

When our lips touched, I felt whole again. I have never realized how much I longed for his kiss or how badly I missed them on mine. This kiss was nothing like the one at that new year's party.

It had everything. It was passionate, filled with all those unsaid emotions that lingered between us. Both of our excitement were palpable; our lips moved in sync as I felt his hands snaking up on my waist, pulling me closer to him.