never too late /style💙💚

chapter 1: what to do?

stan *introduction*: "my name is stan marsh, i'm 14 years old and i live in a small town called south park, in colorado. for four years now, my father has been selling marijuana, and i hate it. i hate his business and how much he's proud of it. i hate the house we had to move to because it takes me an hour to arrive at school.
my bestfriend's name is kyle, he's the smartest and most talented boy in town and he plays basketball too. i just hate one thing about him: the fact that he has a very low self-esteem; he's literally perfect. he likes watching tv and playing video games, and we usually do these things together.
i have other friends too, like kenny, cartman and butters, even if recently our friendship suffered because of the lock down. wendy, my ex girlfriend, is a great friend too; and her new girlfriend heidi is as well.
wendy and i had to break up a year ago due to my alcohol addiction.
since wendy came to me and said:

"stan, we have to talk. listen, i love you and you're a good boyfriend, but i can't live with this anymore"
"w-what's «this»?"
"your alcohol addiction."
"but-but i've never hit you, alcohol doesn't have that effect on me"
"i know. you don't hurt me, you hurt yourself. i tried, i really tried to help you but i am not strong enough to keep trying helping you. so you have to choose: it's either me or alcohol."
"..."
"so?"
"i'm sorry, wendy. i'm not strong enough either. i can't give up alcohol. i'm sorry"

i don't feel ready to start a new relationship. i don't feel ready to give up alcohol, so i don't feel ready to choose a person over it. i've never felt so alone in my life, but i know i'd feel even worse if i got someone by my side.
i don't know what's wrong with me, but i don't wanna know. i just wanna stay like this forever and live on my own, or, at least, i guess so."

stan was walking to the bus stop.
all of his friends were already there when he arrived, but kyle and cartman were already having a fight, so only kenny noticed that he had arrived.

kenny: "fucking finally, stan. we thought you wouldn't arrive."
stan: "i'm only- uh- ehm- 18 minutes late. the school bus hasn't arrived yet either."
kenny: "looks like you're not the only one who's late"
stan and kenny: ...
stan: "why are those two fighting this time?"
kenny: "cartman took off kyle's hat for a few seconds and then exclaimed: «this is why you got voted as the ugliest boy on the girls' list», and, as you can imagine, kyle replied by punching him in the face, and now they're yelling and fighting with each other"
stan: "yeah, eric's such an asshole sometimes"
kenny: "more like, all the time"
stan: "right"

[later, in class]

teacher: "as you know, students, last year we studied love in literature, and i assigned you an essay to write on what love means to you. these past few days i haven't had time to let you read your essays so we're gonna start today. who's going first?"
stan: *thinking* "did we fucking have an essay??"

nobody offered to go first

teacher: "ok..... i'll have to extract a name from the list by surnames. turner, it's your turn."
heidi: *to herself, in a sarcastic tone* "of course."
heidi: *takes a breath*
heidi: *reading her essay* "some time ago, i lost myself. i lost myself into another heidi that was nothing alike me.
i lost myself into an heidi who was mean, narcissistic and manipulative all the time.
i lost in that heidi, everything i've always been but i've never noticed about myself.
it was my first love, i was younger and i thought it was meant to last forever. i was naive, and i used to think that if he was dating me, he must have loved me. no matter how bad he treated me, if he made me think it was love."
cartman: *thinking* "bitch."
heidi: "i started to forget what love really is, i forgot all the disney's stories i used to dream about.
then, you slowly started helping me, with all the love and patience in the entire world.
in the first place, you only did small favors to me, like taking my bag when it was too heavy or sitting next to me when i was alone. these things might be «little» or «insignificant», but, from those moments, i started feeling loved for the very first time.
these words of mine go to the best person in the universe; a tall, black haired girl, who's sitting in the second row desk and who's looking at me with the most beautiful eyes i've ever seen.
i'm not confident about myself at all, but you're helping me to be. while you hold my hand, i feel like i'll need you for the rest of my life, but, at the same time, i feel like i'm growing up enough to be able to walk by myself.
our story seems like a poem, our love seems written on pages and our feelings seem rhyming lines on school books, like a story that has remained important trough hundreds of years."