Riptide

Chapter Fifteen: Wilderness

When I wake up there are another six missed calls from Nathan. Every time he gets drunk he calls me and leaves voicemails. Kris is still asleep, so I lie in bed and press the phone to my ear and listen to each of them.

10:36pm. 'Indy, baby. It's Nathan. Didn't I tell you the boys were having drinks tonight at Shane's? I thought you'd be here. I miss you baby.'

11:15pm. 'Indy, Indy! Why aren't you here? I told you to come. I miss you. You can still come now baby. Just call me and I'll even come get you, it's only a five minute walk.'

12:03am. 'Indy, seriously, I'll come get you. We don't even need to go back to the party, we can just sit on the beach. Or we can go back to my house.'

3:28am. 'You fucking bitch. I fucking know you're with Ryan right now. You've fucked me over, bitch. Last time I invite you to anything. Are you fucking him? Is that it?'

I listen to the last one too many times, and then I get up. No one else is awake yet. I pour myself a glass of pineapple juice and I sit outside on the balcony, watching the early morning joggers and people walking their dogs. I know that I have to see Nathan, to clear everything up and tell him firmly that I don't want to see him and he needs to stop calling me. It scares me, but part of me is also a tiny bit excited to see him. It makes me feel guilty and anxious but I like the way he calls me baby.

I send him a text to tell him I'll meet him this afternoon at the point. Just the act of texting him makes my stomach curl, and I decide I need to go for a run, by myself, to clear my head. I put on my running clothes and shoes. When I get out the front of the house Ryan is waiting for me, wearing his shoes, as if we'd organised to meet. Sure, most mornings we exercise together, but it's Boxing Day, and I had assumed he would want to sleep in.

'Hey,' Ryan says. 'You okay? You look tired.'

'Nah, I just feel so full still from yesterday. The dinner at your house was ridiculous. I think I need to run about 30k's to work that off.'

'Well how about we start with five,' Ryan says teasingly. 'Race you to the point and back?'

I shake my head. 'I don't want to go to the point. Let's run along the bike path and the creek.'

The route is longer, and not one we usually take because we prefer running on the beach, but today I need something different. Plus, the route takes us within a few hundred meters of Nathan's house. Maybe running past his house will make me feel more confident about seeing him this afternoon.

We set off, back through the streets to where the bike path emerges beside the creek. There are tall sand dunes dividing the ocean from the water, and only a small channel that lets out the freshwater from the creek into the ocean at high tide. We jog along the path, under the highway, and up further where the water turns freshwater and green. The cement columns under the highway are sprayed in graffiti, with moss and water plants climbing up from the rocks onto the pillars, creating a twist of urban wilderness. The parkland along here is a dog zone, so there are plenty of dogs in the water and chasing after balls. The parkland is wild and unkempt, but it's pretty, and further up past the highway the park stretches out and the creek cuts through grasslands. The houses backing onto the parkland are run down - this area hasn't been renovated like the beachfront properties we came from. I can see Nathan's house up ahead. I imagine his window is the one at the back of the house, looking over the creek. I imagine his shadow in the window, watching us jog.

I stop, and Ryan stops a few paces ahead of me. 'You okay?' he asks. He doesn't know this is Nathan's house.

I just shrug and say, 'I think I'm getting a stitch because I ate too much yesterday.'

'Want to walk for a while?'

'Yeah,' I say, but then I start walking in the direction we've come. Ryan doesn't ask, and just follows me.

'So this afternoon do you want to go to the gym in town? I checked and they're open today, and they have personal trainers there every day to give you advice. They do training courses.'

'This afternoon?' I say. I think of the text I sent Nathan.

Ryan slings his arm around me, and I laugh and squirm away because he's sweating. 'Ew, Ryan,' I say, and he pulls me tighter.

'Hey, you don't smell like roses either,' he says. 'So this afternoon?'

He can sense how tense I am and he pulls away from me and looks into my eyes. I'm caught, looking back into his blue eyes as they search mine, as if he's looking for something deep inside me.

'Okay,' he says finally. 'I don't want to hear your excuses. I'm taking you this afternoon. We're going to the gym.'

'Fine,' I say, and I feel something harden inside of me, a determination that I'm not used to. 'We're going.' I can feel the shadow of Nathan's house behind my back but I grit my teeth and start to jog. Ryan keeps up with my fast pace as I run, and I think he knows something has changed in me. We run hard all the way back to where the river widens and reaches sand, where the water gets salty and blue and the white sand dunes separate the main part of the river from the sea. We race up the dunes and look down towards the beach and the ocean, and I'm puffing and exhausting after climbing the dunes but I'm happy. Happy with the idea of a future.

When I get home and look at my phone I have a new text message from Nathan. 'I'll see you then xx.'

// Author's Note

Hey everyone! What did you think of this chapter? xx Ellen