Riptide

Chapter Sixteen: Girls and Boys

It's a beautiful hot day, but the beaches are packed with people on holiday, enjoying their days off. I'm feeling tight and anxious and insecure so I get back into bed, with the fan on full blast. I know I've made a mistake but now I don't know how to fix it. Regardless of who I see this afternoon, whether it's Ryan or Nathan, there will be consequences. If I don't see Nathan he'll be angry, and he won't drop it. But if I don't see Ryan, I can imagine how disappointed he'll be. He won't trust me again if he finds out I saw Nathan. Ryan is already disappointed that I ran away once before. I ran away to France and I tried to escape my problems, but as soon as I came back to the beach they were here again.

Right now, as I'm lying in bed, all I want to do is run away again. If I had money I'd buy a plane ticket, maybe to New Zealand or Ireland or even just Melbourne. Somewhere it wouldn't be so damn hot, somewhere I wouldn't be sweating through my singlet shirt, somewhere I could find peace.

But I didn't find peace in France, and running away hasn't worked for me yet. I think about that feeling I had when I was jogging with Ryan. Hopeful. Postive. Enlightened. But then the text from Nathan changed my mood, made me tense and miserable again.

And it's so obvious. Nathan has always made me feel that way. Tense, anxious, scared. I know the reason and yet I keep falling for his bait, because I've never been as strong willed as my sister or mother. But Ryan isn't like that. Ryan is supportive and helpful, and doesn't push me where I don't want to go.

But to tell Nathan I no longer want anything to do with him, I have to see him. And to see Nathan, I have to bail on my plans with Ryan. Which will possibly ruin my chance with Ryan, if he founds out I saw Nathan.

I don't eat lunch. Kris comes into the bedroom and asks me what I've been doing all day.

'Nothing,' I say.

'Is something wrong?' she asks me.

I shake my head, but Kris can read me.

'Who's this about?' she asks. 'Ryan or Nathan?'

I fall back onto the pillow, groaning, and she lies down beside me.

'It's too hot, Kris,' I say.

'That's why you should be out in the surf, swimming and cooling down. Not stuck in this bedroom sweating.'

'It's busy out there.'

'I know, but it's fun. It's Boxing Day. Of course there are people on the beach. That's never stopped you before,' Kris says. 'So what's the deal with Ryan? Rose says that her and Ryan are kinda over. She said that they're happier just friends.'

I sit up. 'She said that?'

'Yeah,' Kris says. 'She said it'd been coming for a while and she wasn't really surprised or upset, and she's happy they can still be friends. And I said she should still feel totally welcome here even if she's not dating Ryan.'

'Yeah,' I say. 'She should.'

Kris smiles. 'Remember when you hated her?'

'I never hated her,' I say defensively.

Kris rolls her eyes. 'You've always hated any girl who's ever looked at Ryan. I swear the only girls you really like are me and Tammy, and that's because there's no way either of us are getting with Ryan.'

'You think that?'

'You've never been that good with girls,' Kris says. 'Which is weird because I'm great with girls. But you've only ever really been friends with guys. And don't give me any of that "guys are less drama" bullshit because your entire life is dramatic, and it's because of guys. To conclude, boys suck, you should become a lesbian like me and we can rule the world, lesbian sisters, and wipe out mankind to replace with womankind. Sounds way cool.'

I laugh and Kris throws an arm around me but I push it off straight away because it's way too hot for physical contact.

'Anyway, I didn't come in here to give you advice about girls, because you obviously need advice about boys. And you're probably going to hate what I say, but as your sister I have to say it anyway. You're a fucking idiot for ever liking Nathan, he's a dickhead, and you need to stay the fuck away from him. And it's so obvious that Ryan has been in love with you for almost as long as you've been in love with him and if you two don't hurry up and get together this summer Tammy and I are going to lock you in a room until you make out. Look how red your cheeks are!'

I'm laughing, but I can feel myself blushing, and Kris is laughing with me. 'So did you hate my advice?' she asks.

'No,' I say. 'It's good advice. It's what I knew deep down. I need to tell Nathan I'm not interested and he needs to back off.'

'That's my girl,' Kris says. 'Now Rose and I are going to meet Meg at the juice bar. Want to come? You might need to shower though, because you kind of stink.'

'Yeah I really need to shower,' I say. 'But I'm busy this afternoon. I'm meeting Ryan to go look at personal training courses at the gym, to see if I want to be a personal trainer.'

'Oh!' Kris says. 'That sounds awesome! Well see you round, kiddo!'

When she leaves I lie back in the bed, staring at the ceiling. I need to shower before I see him.

// Author's Note

Hey, thanks for reading!

xx