Golden Luckenbooth

Ten

Tonight when I stumble into the house, I can't breathe. My heart is too heavy, and I have to lean on the furniture to propel me to a chair where I collapse, my head in my hands.

"Anna?" Harry looks at me as though I've grown a new appendage. It takes him less than 30 seconds to recognise something is wrong, and he throws the kitchen towel he'd been drying his hands on over his shoulder. With a flick of his wrist, he turns off the stove and approaches me cautiously. Like I would a wounded animal.

Which I guess I am.

As he kneels in front of me, I realise that a strange, high-pitched keening sound fills the small kitchen. It takes me another few seconds longer to concede that the noise is coming from my mouth. Wrapping my arms around myself, I rock in the chair, allowing the full emotion to overtake me, howling like a wolf who has lost her lifelong mate.

"Anna? What is it? What happened?" Almost as soon as the words leave his mouth, he shakes his head. "Never mind. You can tell me later. Let's get you out of those boots." Tenderly and gently, he unties and removes the boots from my feet. Tonight, they're likely covered in all kinds of organic matter since I hadn't taken the time to rinse them off.

When the shoes are settled on the mat I keep by the door, Harry looks at my dogs who are sitting at my side, wanting to lick my wounds, but not knowing where I'm hurt.

"Girls, let's go outside and rinse you off."

Reluctantly, my golden retrievers follow him out of the door while Boomer keeps a watchful eye on me from the kitchen floor as though he knows he wasn't meant to go with Harry. The hosepipe briefly comes on and switches off again before the three burst back into the room.

"Go lie down," Harry commands the dogs, and I'm impressed by the tone even though none of them comply. Sharply speaking their names first, he repeats the direction, and this time all three vacate the kitchen. Under normal circumstances, I would applaud his progress in commanding the dogs. But not tonight.

My wail has ended, leaving me rocking silently. Harry regards me, and I can feel the compassion and confusion oozing from him. "Shower or talk?" The words are whispered, but I don't have an answer so I simply shake my head.

Both.

Neither.

"Right. Shower it is. Can you walk or should I carry you?"

Depleted but grateful that he's taking charge, I rise from the chair, and he nods in encouragement. Trailing behind him upstairs, I sit on the edge of the bed while he twists on the water in the shower. Returning to my side, he sighs.

"Let's get you out of those clothes, m'kay?" He's as gentle as I would be with a new kitten as he removes my shirt. "Raise your arms." My t-shirt joins the plaid shirt on the floor. "You can put your arms down now," he smiles before unhooking my bra in the least sexy way imaginable, not removing it but rather leaving the straps over my shoulders. I shiver in the chilled air. "Can you get your jeans, Anna?"

My wooden nod is accepted as an answer, and he moves to my dresser. "I'll put out some clean clothes for you."

Watching him carefully choose panties (the cotton ones and not the lace ones), leggings, and an oversized jumper, my eyes fill with tears again. Which is when it occurs to me that I've both started and stopped crying recently without being fully aware. The kindness and generosity of this man – who is nothing more than a fuck buddy – overwhelms me, and the tears pour from my eyes silently this time.

Placing the items next to me on the bed, Harry stands in front of me. My gaze focuses on his thighs covered in those ratty jeans he's been wearing.

"Anna?" His voice prompts me to look at him, so I do. "You got this?" When I nod, he does the same. "Okay. You've got this." The second time he says the words, it's an affirmation. A promise. A willing of his energy into my body, and I stand, listening to the door close as I remove the rest of my clothes. "I'll be downstairs." His concerned voice reaches me through the door, and I dredge up enough strength to smile slightly. Or at least tilt up the corners of my mouth.