In His Mind

23.

We sat in the office silent as I tried to calm down. I was anxious to say the least. The therapist sat across from us with a smile on his face. We had done the brief introduction and why we wanted to do therapy but I just couldn't get comfortable.

"Is something wrong Michiko?" Dr. Hill spoke "You seem... distant"

"Anxious..." I shrugged

"We don't have to start big" he smiled "Let's start small. Talk in the present and work our way backwards"

I nodded and so did Rashaad.

"So how is coparenting?"

"Good" I gave a genuine small smile "I honestly never thought we'd be here but it's good. Rashaad is Reign's favorite person. He's always there whenever she calls"

"Rashaad?"

"It's dope. Michi and I got on the same page and it's been good"

"But?"

"Huh?"

"You're holding something back.. what isn't so good about it?"

Rashaad sighed and rubbed his hand down his face. He shook his head before looking at me. I was curious too. I didn't think we had a problem so I waited to hear.

"My wife and Michi don't get along... my wife is pregnant and she... she... it's like she's always mad about something and usually it's related to Michi"

"Like what?"

"Recently? She feels like Michi has made Reign hate the idea of her"

I scoffed

"You disagree?" Dr. Hill asked

"It's a lie" I shrugged "We prepared Reign to meet her. We sat down and talked it out. What does she do? She finds Reign wondering upstairs after a nap and introduces herself as her new stepmom"

"Reign freaked out" Rashaad continued leaning forward with his head down "All she heard was new mom and thought something happen to Michi or that I was taking her away from Michi"

"Where you able to explain what that meant?"

"Not really" I sighed "I mean we did but Reign is anti Gianna and now she blames me. I didn't even want this! She did"

"How has this effect your coparenting?"

"Michi leaves everything on me" Rashaad shook his head looked away "I gotta deal with Gianna and figure out all this"

"Don't do that" I rolled my eyes "If I step in and make a decision, I'm the bad guy. I'm over Gianni and I'm not about to pamper her ass. If she wasn't expecting I'd be fine with letting her ass have it. I can't do that though"

"Why not?" Dr. Hill leaned back "Don't you think you'd be well within your right as a parent to make those decisions"

"Of course I am... but I've also been a stressed out first time pregnant mom... I legit can't do that... to anybody"

"What was that like for you?"

I sat back and took a deep breath with my eyes closed. I thought about being 18, pregnant, stressed, and alone.

"Terrifying" my voice came out softer than before "It was the worst experience of my life"

"Wow" he looked sympathetic "Can you tell me why?"

I looked at Rashaad who looked at me. His eyes were apologizing like always. I shook my head knowing opening old wounds would hurt us both... but it was why we were there.