Courting

Chapter 44 (Lo'ak and Tsireya)

Tsireya was unknotting a fishing net, sitting on the edge of a walkway between maruis, legs dangling over the water. Feeling it dip behind her, she turned and saw the navy blue legs belonging Lo'ak. Freezing up, she turned back to the net, suddenly unable to undo anything. Her breath suddenly began shuddering. Lo'ak seemed to hear and froze too. 

"Re-Tsireya?" he said quietly, stepping towards her. Tsireya stood up and looked at Lo'ak out of the corner of her eye.

"I don't want to talk to you," she lied.

"I know, and that's fair. Totally get it. But, um, could you find the sympathy to listen anyway?" Lo'ak stumbled through his sentence. Tsireya turned to face him, net dangling from her hand by her side. 

"Why? Do you have a better crafted lie to make up for your first one?" Tsireya internally flinched. She hated arguing, especially with Lo'ak, but she didn't want to back down now. 

"No, but I deserved that. Just, listen?" he asked, creasing his brow and tilting his head. Tsireya resisted the urge to close her eyes so she couldn't see his pained expression. 

"Fine."

Lo'ak didn't smile, but his ears perked up a bit.

"Thank you, thank you. I know I don't really deserve this, but.. thanks." Lo'ak breathed deeply. "So, you know that I have someone back home that I'm... kind of involved with," he began. 

Tsireya nodded, eyebrows raised. At least he was being honest?

"I want you to know, and please try and understand this, if I could choose to be yours, and only yours, I would. Eywa, I would never leave your side." Lo'ak was looking at her like some looked at jewellery or flowers. "If you believe nothing else, believe that. This boy-"

Tsireya blinked, but managed not to react any more. She hadn't known it was a boy. 

"This boy, he and I knew each other for a long time. When we were kids, Neteyam and I would spend a lot of time together. I had no idea he liked me, but when we had to leave the forest, he told me so. It was all so fast. He promised to wait for me, and that when I returned he would court me." 

Tsireya was shaking her head. Why did he think this would help?

"Stay with me, please," Lo'ak pleaded, continuing. "Coming here, I never expected to be here so long, or meet so many amazing people. And then of course, there's you." Lo'ak smiled at her, eyes sparkling with tears. "You are the only thing that makes me want to stay here. You make me want to stay here forever. I can't tell you what your love does- did for me." Lo'ak seemed to be playing conservatively for now, not taking forgiveness for granted yet. "I want to make sure you understand why I'm even thinking of someone else when I'm around you. This boy is extremely honourable, like my brother." Lo'ak chuckled a little bit. "He is true to his word. He promised to wait for me to get back, but that when is starting to sound a lot like an if. I can't stay here in bliss with you and let him sit, waiting for me when I'm probably not going back." Tears were slowly making their way down his face now. 

"You are not a second choice," Lo'ak clarified, taking the liberty to grasp her hand. "I need you to know this. I didn't keep this from you so I could lead you on. Please understand, I'm only trying to explain that I don't want to lead him on. He was always very popular with the people of our clan, and definitely has many opportunities. I am not worth him waiting and possibly losing any other opportunity for his own happiness." 

"Lo'ak, I..." Tsireya was trying to think of a response. "I'm sorry I reacted the way-" 

"Don't! Don't apologise!" Lo'ak shook her hand a little, unintentionally. "I shouldn't have done that. I'm not asking for forgiveness I just wanted to make sure you knew you weren't my second choice, and I wasn't hiding it from you for any reason other than that. If you hate me, don't hate me for that."

Tsireya once more was unsure what to say. She still liked Lo'ak, a lot. It might be called love by now, she wasn't sure. She hadn't ever hated him, even when he confessed about the boy in the forest. 

"Lo'ak, I-" Tsireya tried. "I never hated you. I don't think I ever stopped... loving you." Lo'ak's eyes went wide at this. "But I can' convince myself that I will be the only one you want when you have this prospect at your true home." Tsireya remembered how Lo'ak always remembered to call the forest 'home', even now. "I love you, I do. But if there's a possibility of this boy in the forest winning you back if you're to go back there-" her voice broke now, and she stopped talking. 

"Reya... I wouldn't be here if I thought I had someone else I'd rather be with. Maybe he is still waiting for me, and maybe he would be an amazing mate. But I'm here with you. I don't care what he could do for me, and I promise you, he will never take me from you... if you still wish to have me," Lo'ak trailed off, looking up at her from where his eyes where boring into the sand. Tsireya's sight went cloudy with tears. 

"How can you be certain?" she asked him, blinking her vision clear and sending streaks down her face. 

"Can I kiss you?" Lo'ak asked her. Taken aback, Tsireya hesitated. When she nodded softly, Lo'ak stepped closer, raising a hand to the side of her face. His thumb wiped a streak from her eye, and his fingers tucked a curly string of hair behind her ear. He lent forward slowly and pressed his lips to hers. He had only kissed her twice before, but it was nothing like this. Those had been awkward, spur of the moment kisses that ended with sheepish grins and small giggles. This was different. 

Lo'ak wasn't a huge romantic before Tsireya, and still wasn't now. He didn't know the technique of kissing someone, or what he was supposed to do with his hands. Tsireya was resting her arms around his shoulders, and he decided on resting his hands on her waist. When they broke apart, Tsireya had more tears in her eyes. Lo'ak took this as a sign his apology didn't work. 

"I- I'll just go.. then," Lo'ak mumbled, turning around. 

"No! Wait." She grabbed his arm. "If you tell me that I he won't win you back over, then I believe you." 

Lo'ak turned back, blinking. When tears began falling, he looked down and hid his face with his hands. Tsireya smiled.

"Remember, Lola. Emotions are okay!" Tsireya told him, using the nickname that Lo'ak would skin himself alive if anyone else heard it. "They aren't weak," she reminded him. Lo'ak nodded, slowly pulling his hands down, looking at Tsireya. Tears were falling slowly down his face, following the path of those before. Tsireya smiled at him. Lo'ak tried a smile, but it was broken by a few sobs. 

"Lola? Seriously?" he chuckled, pulling her into such a tight hug she wheezed the remaining air in her lungs.