MCYT One-shots (Mostly Smajor / Scott)

Incorrect Quotes

Gem: What do y'all have planned for Valentine's Day?
Cleo: Murder.
Gem: That's the spirit!

BBH: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one you'll be fined.
Skippy: Heck.
BBH: You're on thin f*cking ice.
BBH: Wait- Oh no.

Witchcraft Scott: Incredibly empathetic of me to not skin you alive right now.

*Threatening thing happens*
Sheriff Jimmy: AHHH! CALL THE POLICE!
Old Sheriff: WE ARE THE POLICE!

Sausage: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.
Scott: Seize the day, seize the night, what's the last one?
Sausage: Seize the d*ck. 

Sausage: *Writing in his diary with a glitter gel pen* I'm losing my sense of humanity.

Pearl, about Jimmy and Joel: Just overheard two people at the front door of their friend's house. One was on the phone and gently said "Oh, did you just wake up?" And the other yelled "OPEN UP F*CKNUGGET!" While slamming his head on the door. I gotta say, I love the friendship dynamic.
BigB, about Grian: The guy that lived there answered the door wrapped up in his blanket. It was way past noon at the time, which really sold the whole interaction as a whole.

Rat Will: Actually all of my systems are nervous.

Martyn: What would you like?
The Red King: THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT
Ren: A bagel!
The Red King: NOOOOOO!
Ren: Two bagels!

Cleo: I talk a lot of shit for someone who can't choose rude dialogue in video games for fear of hurting a characters' feelings.

Gem, texting: go whiteboy go
Jimmy: you sent me that while I was eating a mustard sandwich (a sandwich with only mustard) and I feel like you knew somehow.
Fwhip: stop whiteboy stop

Scott, to Jimmy: There is something so specifically wrong about you that it's alluring.

Rat Martyn: When you're tryna be cheesy but everyone around you is laughtose intolerant.

Scott: I like your new pants!
Sausage: Thanks, they were 50% off!
Scott: I'd like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*
Sausage: The store can't just give away clothes for free.
Scott: That's... not what I meant.
Sausage: That's a terrible way to run a business, Scott. 

Scott: Every year after you turn 17 you get further away from the age of the Dancing Queen and that's my least favourite part about growing up.

Katherine: I always found it weird how we just decided that Pluto isn't a planet anymore.
Pix: Look, I'm not saying that demoting a planet named after the Roman god of Death stoked his rage and brought down his vengeful fury and retribution but... *Gestures at everything*
Scott: Finally, an explanation.

Tommy, texting: when you shake laminated paper and it does the thing
Tubbo: fwuubufbuwbfwubfufbuwfbuwbuuuBUWBUUHUFUFBUWBUFBUB
Ranboo: exactly.

Sparrow: Scott, I rebuke thee! I rebuke thee!
Scott: Rebuke? Is that a word?
Sparrow: You have all invoked my fury! You will all pay recompense for your transgressions!
Scott: What, you got like a word-a-day calendar or something?

Lizzie: I like being bisexual, but I do not like being mentally ill.

Psychologist: *Diagnoses him with something*
Sausage: So I have that now? It's canon?

Shelby: I've been studying women for the past few weeks.
Pix: What did you learn?
Shelby: I like women.

Katherine: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful, and organised.
Shelby: *Steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to her knees and sob while apologising profusely*
Katherine: That one. I want that one.

LimL Scott: *Is bleeding out* Not to sound like a Victorian woman suffering from hysteria, but I do think the sea would fix me.

Sausage: Catch these hands!
Sausage: -with your hands. We're holding hands now. This is nice.

Joel: I would follow you to the ends of the Earth!
Lizzie: Aww that's sweet-
Joel: ...With only mild complaining.

Scott: I hate it when people ask what zodiac sign I am, like, b*tch I'm a sign from God. Start running.

Rat Lizzie: Y'know, bisexuality isn't hard to understand. Girls are cute. Guys are cute. What more do you want from me?
Rat Martyn: I want your wallet.

Scott: Cleo is taking credit for El's work, getting her to deal with everything, and making fun of her! You know what that sounds like?
Owen: You?
Scott: No, I meant... You know El. In spite of being clever and sarcastic she's also... fragile and weird and she has trouble fitting in. And Cleo is taking advantage of her weakness! You know what that's called?
Owen: A Scott?
Scott: ...Yeah, but I'm the only one who should be allowed to do that, okay?!

Etho: I'm a snail and God is salting me.

*Guqqie and Aimsey are planning to break in somewhere*
Guqqie: We need to distract the guards.
Aimsey: Right.
Guqqie: What are we gonna do?
Aimsey: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes.
Guqqie:
Aimsey:
Guqqie: Deal. 

Scott: Blue M&Ms are the best.
Ren: whAT IS THIS SLANDER?
Scott: What about it? They are.
Ren: I WILL NOT ALLOW SUCH LIES ON MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!
Ren: THE RED ONES ARE THE BEST!
Scott: YEAH? WELL YOUR MOM'S A B*TCH!
Martyn: They're all chocolate inside, the colours don't mean anything.
Jimmy: I like the yellow ones.
Scott and Ren: SHUT THE F*CK YOUR MOUTH! 

Pearl: What are you drinking?
Scott: Vodka.
Pearl: Straight?
Scott: No, gay. Why? 

Bdubs: Am I right, Etho?
Etho: I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening. 

Scott: I hate you sometimes.
Pearl: Well according to this picture Cleo drew of us holding hands that's not true.
Scott: Pearl, you drew that.
Pearl: It doesn't matter. 

Ren: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Martyn?
Martyn: No.
Pearl: I do!
Ren: I know, Pearl.
Pearl: I'm sad.
Ren: I know, Pearl. 

Joel: *walks into the room*
Jimmy: He's covered in blood again. Why is he always covered in blood?
Grian: Well, it looks like it's his own blood this time. 

Phil: Clownery. Tomfoolery. Absolute f*ckery, I am going to revoke your life privileges.

Cleo: One time I went to hand Owen a bowl of soup. I wanted to say "Careful, it's hot!", and "Here's your soup!", so instead I blurted out "Careful it's soup." 

Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut?
Scott: Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be badass. 

Sausage: FIGHT ME YOU NERD ASS SL*T!
Scott: At least try to sound more sophisticated if you're going to threaten someone.
Sausage: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou wish to engage in a duel, my good bitch?
Scott: ... Somehow that's worse.

Jimmy: *Is visibly upset*
Scott: Jimmy, what happened? I haven't seen you like this since you found out that Candyland wasn't an actual country.

Martyn: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.
Ren: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.
Martyn: I said within reason, Ren. How about I murder that guy instead?
Ren: So murder is within reason but proper self care isn't?
Martyn: Well, duh. What kind of question is that? 

Jimmy: That's ridiculous, Scott doesn't have a crush on me.
Grian: Yes he does.
Scar: Yes he does.
Scott: Yes I do.

Techno, in Ranboo's window: I thought I'd find you here!
Phil, climbing past Techno: WE COULD HAVE USED THE DOOR-

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It is 11 pm I am JAMMING to Unity rn. I will be going on purely the energy of this sick song for the next two hours :)

Bye!