The Twisted Mind of Mordecai Phoenix

Pain...

One simple word. Only one simple little syllable, yet it carries so many different meanings.

The weight is pressed upon this one little word that could possibly mean the greatest devastation a creature could ever live through or maybe even die of.

I myself have lived through pain and constantly have thought of the sweet escape of death. After many failed attempts I accepted the pain. I now allow it to control my inner thoughts and my every action. 

Pain is not always as real as we think. It's an abstract feeling that can be controlled over time. It's simple really, just ignore the pain until the numbness takes control and washes over. In the state of numbness nothing hurts anymore, not the pain of a stab wound or the verbal attacks of a former role model.  

As time moves on and the deep, scarring pain holds us back, we become lost in an abyss of the past. Though the future maybe numb, the past seems to be the only thing left to hurt us.

The past is a fatal force that encourages us to fight on and move forward, yet at the same time it holds us back and sometimes is the final blow that just throws us over the edge.

Sometimes I dream of never moving forward so I no longer create a past that will harm me ever again. Though, it's too late for that. I've already created a painful memory that has left too many scars. Just seeing my own reflection or hearing my own voice pulls me back into a time long forgotten.

The best advice I have left is to accept the pain and learn to live along side it for the pain will never end or cease its fury. No matter what we do or say the pain will follow as a haunting shadow of the past that was long forgotten for reasons untold...

~Mordecai Phoenix