Unexpected Destiny

CHAPTER-5 MOURNING AND ACHING.

KUCH DIN BAHOT KHUSH RAHA THA MAIN, AB US KHUSHI KA KARZ UTAAR RAHA HUN

SHIV

As soon as I came out of the room, I descended the stairs, took my car's key and started to run out of the house but I heard my mother calling me from behind, but I wasn't in the state of mind to talk to someone right now. I just couldn't. 

I reached my car, stepped in it and accelerated it furiously. I just want to go away from here, away from everyone. I just want some peace, peace from all these emotions, all these things that I am feeling inside my heart and my head.

I am crying, not from my eyes but from my heart. I cannot control my feelings anymore. It's like I am feeling lot of things and also not feeling anything simultaneously. 

She left me three years ago, but the wounds still feel fresh. I used to think that I have learnt to live without her but the incident that happened today makes me feel that I am standing at the same spot where I was three years back.

Indeed, someone said right, you have to pay for your happiness. I was so happy back then.

I stopped my car and looked outside. It's raining heavily. Feeling suffocated with all these things going inside my head, I came out of the car and looked at the waves in the sea for a minute and I feel jealous seeing it.

How could sea be so lucky to have the fortune of fading its past so easily as every new wave bring hope and peace.

I don't want to replace her memories with anything, but I just want to make my heart and mind at peace that whatever memories I had of her, whatever time I spent with her is sufficient to make rest of my life livable. Because I have to live for my daughter, for my family.

Right now, standing here and feeling these continuous drops of rain on my face feel like I am melting with them, all my sorrows are leaving my head, my body.

Sighing heavily and looking towards the sky, I shouted.

"Aarohhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiii"

"Dekho, kya haal ho gaya hai mera. Kyu chali gayi tum mujhe chodke, aakhir kyu, mere saath hi aisa hua, kya gunaah tha mera, yahi ki maine tumse pyaar kiya." gulping the lump in my throat I continued

[Look, what I have become. Why did you leave me, why. What was my fault, that I loved you]

" Mujhe laga tha tumhare jaane ke baad tumhari yaadon ke sahare jee lunga, par main kitna bhi try karu yaar koi na koi cheez mujhe tumhari yaad dila hi deti hai. Aur hamari beti vo toh bilkul tumhare jaisi dikhti hai. Roz jab uska chehra dekhta hoon toh sabse pehla khayal tumhara hi aata hai "

[I thought I would live with your memories after you left, but no matter how much I try, something reminds me of you. And our daughter, she looks exactly like you. Every day when I see her face, the first thing that comes to mind is you."]

I gulped the lump in my throat and continued " And you know what happened today, today I saw you in someone else, she is the caretaker of our baby. I don't know what happened to me but I couldn't control my feelings. And I am sorry for that yarr, I am so sorry. I know you are not angry for this but I still wanted to say"

"I know there are many more things for which I have to apologize to you, like for not taking care of our Aashi properly , for not taking care of myself, and for talking to my parents rudely. But, I want to apologise especially especially for thinking of marrying again."