The diary of secrets ( A heejake ff )

10. Hazy memories

tw: panic attacks (i think) (please read the bold message at the bottom before you begin)

The feeling of a hangover is insufferable. Whether you've had one or not be prepared because they sure as hell fuck with your brain.

Heeseung for one, was not prepared. The banging headache, the slight dizziness and the terrible insomnia he was facing was unbearable. His shoulder felt numb, as if a something had been weighng it down for a long period of time. It was jake. Hair all ruffled slightly and looking very calm and peaceful. He smiled slightly, not wanting to wake the latter up as he didn't want to disturb his calming state

He rubbed his temple with his hands slowly tying to remember what happened to him last night. It was all a blur but he could only remember vague parts of the night. "ugh shittiest sleep of my life i tell you, absolutely horrible" Heeseung turned to see jay groaning with to other males snuggled up to him on either side. "ditto" heeseung replied, slowly trying to get his phone without waking up sleeping man on his shoulder.

Much to his dismay, it didnt work and jake woke up yawning softly. "Huh. whats happening? where am I?!" Jake said confusedly before turning to see heeseung on his side making him jump slightly. "Oh heeseung hyung! morning! um do you know what time it is?" jake smiled at him sleeply making heeseung chuckle. He turned on the phone squinting slightly as his eyes hadnt adjusted to the bright light. "10:38am" "Half ten! no wonder i dreamt about food I'm starving..." Sunoo had woken up. everyone chuckled at what sunoo said.

Everyone was starting to wake up now, all of them talking quietly as they're all pretty hungover and tired. before he knew it something clicked in heeseung;s brain. the book. I've got to return the book before dad realises its missing! "uh guys I've got to go i uh... just realised I've got a doctors appointment i need to get to!" heeseung quickly stands up, being careful not to step on anybody's fingers or feet. he speed walks down the stairs and out of the house in record speed. "heeseung hyung! you forgot your-!" the slamming of the door can be heard in the distance "book" jake says sighing.

"what. an. idiot" jay says shaking his head. "hey jake, you might as well bring it for him. he'll probably be going to that docters appontment so just meet him at the hospital" . jay winks but not very secretively. jake rolls his eyes but an evident blush gives hmself away. "well hurry up. go!" jungwon says, now sitting cross legged. jake nods his head as he stands up and goes to walk out the door. "jake you forgot the book you dummy" sunoo calls from inside the room. "oh right!" jake says, quickly turning to go grab the book.

heeseung is speedwalking. no scratch that, hes practiclty runnig at this point. if his dad finds out he took to book hes as good as gone "buzzzz" he stops in he tracks ready to face the worst

dad

:I know you stole the book you bitch give it to me now read

:I can see you saw my message answer me now! read

his hands shake with fear as the messages flood through his phone. he quickly takes of his bag to see... the book. where's the book?! his breath quickens and his vision blurs slightly. with every breath he takes, the less oxygen he inhales "calm down heeseung calm down" he says to himself as he sits on a bench. but its not working. he's only feeling worse. he doesn't realise that someone has walked up to him and that they're calling his name. "Heeseung hyung are you ok? look at me, please look at me" the person pleads holding my shoulders gently. it was jake

"look at me please, you need to look at me" he says desperately calling out to him. heeseung slowly raises hes head tears streaming down his face, his breathing not slowing down. "listen to my voice ok? were gonna take some deep breaths ready? in, out. and again. in, out" they do this for about 10 more times before heeseung's breathing pace starts to slow down. jake sits next to him rubbing circles on his back gently. it helps. but what doesnt help is the people staring at him. he can feel their eyes burning him judging his every move. he hated it.

"my book" heeseung whispers. "sorry, I didnt quite catch that" jake smiles softly. "my book. have you seen my book" he repeats wiping the tears from his eyes. "oh your book! I have it here! i realised that you'd forgotten it at rikis place so I decided to bring it for you!" jake hands heeseung the book and heeseung quickly takes it back. "i have to go" heeseung says before walking away. "thank you. for um helping me" he says before walking away. "no problem!" jake calls after him.

please read!!

i just want to say i have never once in my life experienced a panic attack so my heart goes out to the people who have them. im sorry if the way ive written/ depicted it is not how it is like to experience one.

read if u want <3

i hope everyone stays safe and has an amazing year as its finally 2024! idk if it was just me but i rlly didnt like last year. but i think it got better at the end. it was also my birthday on the 22nd so happy birthday to me loll. i might continue to update this every now and again but for now im gonna focus on my other heejake fanfiction called 'my lovely killer' which you can go check out now! (yes im plugging my own story what u gonna do abt it?) ik this is a long message and i dont expect anyone to read it but i hope you all have an amazing night/day! baii

N.B <3