Figure It Out - Effie and Haymitch

29. Power Over Life

Power Over Life

"Peeta." My voice sounds completely wrong, weak and raspy. These are the first words since my parents were executed. For a moment I'm angry with myself because he's still mine to care for and nobody could ever change that. I feel like I'm back in my role as escort. But as I look at him, I realize that the days of tribute and escort are long behind us. Today we are nothing more than prisoners and we will never be able to return to our old lives.

Peeta's lips curl up in a wan smile. It's just the ghost of his smile back then that could change the atmosphere of an entire room. "Hello Effie," he says in a crystal-clear voice, which seems so changed that I take a step back. Not a shred of emotion resonates in it, as if the Capitol had replaced Peeta with a machine wearing only the mask of his looks.

Peeta's smile hurts my eyes and for a second, I forget the image of my parents because the horror before me seems so unbelievable. I wonder what they did to the poor boy. He must probably fare worse than all of us put together, even if that hardly seems possible in my current situation.

Then Caesar suddenly starts speaking again: "We're sure this must come as a surprise to you, Miss Trinket, but that's exactly the reason for this extra program." As he speaks, he stretches his right hand in my direction out and waves me over. The gray of his suit drowns out the color of his skin underneath. "We want to show the people of Panem the truth. There is no one who can help us more than the two of you here."

Caesar's voice sounds cheerful and the shrillness in it scares me. Doesn't he know what's happening here and where I've been up until now? He must know. For the truth, they shouldn't have dressed me up like that, they should have dragged me straight out of prison for the whole country to see my pain. Every look at Peeta tells me he's no different.

I don't know how I get the strength to walk up to the cheerful moderator and shake his hand. All I know is that my starved hand almost completely disappears in his grasp. My stomach clenches at the sight and for a split second the dizziness returns. The view before my eyes goes black and yet I nod to Caesar and sit down on the soft sofa. Then my eyes clear again and I run my fingers over the expensive fabric of the couch in a calming gesture. I have a similar one in my apartment, only in a dark tone. I can't remember the last time I saw it.

I slowly raise my head and look past Caesar to Peeta. "How are you?" I know, of course, that it's incredibly rude to skip Caesar on his own show and ask the questions myself. The residents of the Capitol will hardly recognize my behavior, but I don't care.

Peeta nods slightly and then smiles. The smile again doesn't reach his eyes and yet it radiates a certain warmth. "I feel very well. Thanks for asking." The sound of his words is spirit- and lifeless.

I recognize the lie even as he speaks it. Of course he's not feeling well, what did I expect? That he would reveal his torment to the whole nation on live television, only to be subjected to even greater torture afterwards? Gone are the days of sacrificing for others, today it's all about bare survival.

I look Peeta in the eye, searching for a spark of emotion. But there is nothing but a deep emptiness that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I suddenly realize that we lost Peeta to the game. Not the Hunger Games in the arena. Katniss survived, she was rescued, but Peeta ... Peeta is dead and you can see it in his every move. They tortured him but spared his life. Not out of kindness, of course, but because they still need him here for this purpose. Because Katniss is alive. He is their only leverage against her. But after everything possible is done, the shell of Peeta's empty body will soon be dead as well. Just like I will.

I just don't understand why they brought me here. There was always just Katniss. It was always about Katniss and Peeta. And the Capitol is taking advantage of that through this interview. But what does that have to do with me? I was never fully affiliated with District 12 or the victors. I was always on the outside. Unlike Haymitch, I've always stood on the fringes of the group, a woman from the Capitol seen only a few weeks of the year and only on the important occasions.