Devotion (Jamaican🇯🇲) COMPLETED

Chapter 45

Abigail

12:00 am.

I sat in the kitchen as I ate the last piece of chicken dipped in chocolate icecream with honey and cinnamon. Have you ever wanted something so bad that you were desperate enough to get out of bed go to the store and buy something? I felt like I was going to go insane. I took a bite of the pickle and I closed my eyes, I was in paradise. The light flicked on and rino stood infront of me with a bag load of goods and the pan of kfc in his arms looking at me like he just seen a big ass rat.

"Abi? You that desperate fi chicken and ice cream that yuh guh guh buy chicken and fry it? You couldn't wait? Rino asked me confused. Daniel and Fabian stood at the door laughing as I head my sister keyanna coming into the kitchen. I happily took the food he bought me resting it infront of me.

"Thank you" I mumbled.

"Me buy three different pregnancy test fi you because you pregnant either that or you just sick stomach-

"If she pregnant that gone far far now because look how long we a tell har. Bout four or five months now" Daniel said. I was so mad. Everytime I wanted something to eat everyone was saying I'm pregnant even though my stomach only had a pudge. I had gotten fat from eating a lot. I was very stressed and depressed. I ate anything I could find. Only Michelle asked me about my mental health yesterday and when she did I cried. I missed Jermaine so much. But I couldn't forgive him for all he did to me. The night when I went over gios to stay he did unspeakable things to me. I went back to Jermaine and I told him. He disgraced me infront everyone.

He was only concerned about the fact that I saw him. He said out of all the places I could've went to avoid him I went to Gio, and it shows I wanted Gio and I deserved what happened to me. He slammed the door in my face infront of everyone one. Nobody stood up for me. I had no choice but to come home to my mother. Amanda was gone. They said she moved out then the rumors started spreading. They said they didn't believe it was true at the time.

I've been trying to stay strong for my son and get a job again and work. But it's like everything I do back fired. It was as if I was a wicked person. But even wicked people nuh salt like me salt. It's as if mi mother did push me out a sea side.

I took up my food and entered my room. I stayed inside in the darkness, only light that I could see was from my window. I ate my food quietly. The thought of being pregnant was the only thought that crossed my mind for the past few months. I never told anybody but gio was doing his usual every week harassment the other day and I told him we'll never be in a relationship again and usually I expected him to curse me out but he never did. Instead he laughed into the phone and he said I'm stuck with him. He said;

"The mood swing dem start already?

When I asked him what he meant by that he told me that he don't care what I tell him because him trap me already and I'll know what he means when I start having morning sicknesses again. I still refused to believe that he'd purposely get me pregnant or I'm pregnant at all. We used a condom that night he purposely did it. I'd like to say with confidence that he wouldn't do that but knowing him, I could see his obsessive ass doing it. My breast hurt more and more everyday, my nable pushed out and my cravings got worst I always craved ice and all types of food. But I didn't want to believe it was true. I glanced at the pregnancy tests rino bought as a joke. Everyone thinks it's jermaines. Nobody but Jermaine knew what happened to me.

I can say though I cry a lot I'm the strongest person ever. Because you couldn't look at me and tell the sadness I felt. Sometimes I got so sad my skin burns, my thighs feel like they have pepper all over them.

Sometimes I shake badly. Sometimes I cry so badly I can't breathe. Only at night when everyone was sleeping. I took up the test going into the bathroom. I opened them slowly. I stared at my self in the mirror. I went in denial for so long. Was it even a healthy baby?

I peed on the three sticks. Hoping that I was right I got my period every month. Deep down I knew it could still be possible, deep down knowing I was wrong. I rinsed them off then wrapped them in a plastic bag and stepped into the shower. As I washed my self with the sweet smelling Olay soap I wondered why...

Why do bad shit happen to me? If I could remember one cruel thing I've done to someone I'd accept my faith and back down. But I really wanted to know whathave I done? It was all I thought about sometimes.

I felt like life isn't perfect for everyone. I kept having to remind my self that. And my life could be way worst. I appreciated even that. But I know evil people that were way better off than me.

It was so cold.

It was so fucked up

It's hard to wrap around my head. When I got out the shower I dried my self. I glanced over at the tests. It felt like I bit a brick to look at them. All three test were positive..... I'm pregnant.
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I went to the river early this morning.

The water felt as cold as they describe East antártica in science class.

Type of cold that slaps your breath away. Michelle sat beside me. She laid on my shoulder. Our feet dangled in the water in the silence I remember when we were little.

How we ran around and how we played together. Our ups and down our on and off moments. Bad things even she did to me. I let it all flow behind me.

"What you ago do? You ago tell Jermaine you pregnant? She asked me. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Him probably won't care, ano fi him. Him ago know because the time period don't add up. Plus me woulda never do that" I told her.

"No ano that me a seh. Me mean seh see if him will take you back" she told me. I didn't know what to say.

"Tell Gio you're pregnant" she said to me. I shook my head from side to side.

"I don't want that man no where near me. Him too fucking evil. Me don't even want to think about him.me hate him so much, him make me sick to my stomach. Me don't want this baby. If only me did know ealier me try everything inna power fi stop it me nuh know why this happened to me. Everyday me ask god wah me do" I admitted. She looked at me and gasp.

"Stop-

"Me nuh care a just the plain truth. Me hate this little shit and me can't believe it's apart of me" I shrugged.

"It never do nothing to you it as innocent as a Angel" she told me me shaking her head from side to side.

"You a good person abi. You don't stay them way deh. Every baby is a blessing it don't matter who it came from. Just like Zion is your blessing that baby is another blessing you know how many woman wish them coulda have a baby? Not to reduce your pain but you wrong. Dat baby is an Angel sent from God"

"God know why it happened. It could be the next usain the next Shelly the next bob marly the next superstar to make Jamaica proud. It could be a great human being"

"Baby innocent, them innocent, them heart pure them know no bad all them know a fi drink milk and play with angels inna dem sleep" she told me softly. A stray tear ran from my cheek. I didn't care. I was sure I'd put it up for adoption as soon as it borns. I didn't want it. Nothing could change how me feel.