[] Mikey ANGST Oneshots []

CH.1 - Don't Touch Me!

TW: Talk of r@pe, Panic Attacks, Manipulation, Threats, Blood, Cursing, Flashbacks, PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt

Era: Rise of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2018

Summary: Meatsweats r@pes Mikey and Mikey hides it in fear, but his brothers find out. (It doesn't take place in any specific episode or timeline so you can decide when)

A/N: this is not intended to romatnicize this situations and if you're going through anything like this please find an adult you trust to talk to about this. (when the word "he" is in bold its referring to meatsweats, Mikey would prefer to avoid using his name)

Word Count: 5,034

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Mikey's Pov:

It's been hours but it feels as if it just happened. I still feel his hands. I feel them all over. His face flashes into my view as I remember what he told me. If anyone finds out about this I'll kill you and your brothers. A chill goes up my spine his voice sounds so cold so cold, I never liked getting babied but I always found comfort in knowing I could go to my brothers if I had an issue but now I can't. I can't talk to my own brothers. What am I supposed to do? There's nothing I can do. I just need to live knowing that I'm no longer innocent and clean, I got his innocence stripped away. My brothers would probably think I'm disgusting, no Mikey don't think like that they love you, but still...no they love me, and if I could tell them then I know they would be here for me, right? My thoughts continue to race as I continue to walk, I don't even know where I'm going I just need to be away from him. 

"Hey, Hermano what's up? You look kinda pale everything alright?" ̶A̶ ̶v̶o̶i̶c̶e̶  Leo said I didn't even realize I was in the lair. When did I get here? Is Leo mad? What time is it? Why am I here? I need to leave. I need to leave. Leo can't know, they can't know. If anyone finds out they're going to die and it'll be my fault. This whole situation is my fault. If only I were stronger, maybe I could've fought him off. If I hadn't left my Kusari-fundo at home I could've at least run away. 

"-key you ok? Hello? You with me bro?" Leo asks breaking me out of my trance, I put on the best smile I can hoping it's at least a little convincing. 

"Haha yea, I'm great..what time is it..?" I ask my voice so quiet I'm almost convinced I didn't say it out loud. Leo's brows furrow. Shit. He knows something is up. I need to leave. I need to leave.

"Not sure, probably around 3:00 AM. You're luck I covered for you otherwise Raph would've flipped New York upside down just to find you," He responds eyeing me slowly, he's trying to read me, trying to look for a hint as to what I'm hiding but I'm not going to give in. No one will know even if that means I have to suffer forever. I uncross my arms and puff my chest out, I need to be the usual confident Mikey not 'I just got traumatized Mikey'. "So what were you up to and why wasn't your favorite brother invited?" Leo teased, I don't know what to say, can I even talk without crying? I need to leave. Get out of here. He can't know. No one can know. 

"Just went to do some graffiti," I answered in the most joyful voice I could, it may be a little forced but hopefully he doesn't notice. He can't notice. "And before you ask, no you can't see it it's a surprise" I add. I quickly make my way out of the living room and to my bedroom ignoring whatever Leo said, I can't talk to him any longer without cracking. 

I collapse onto the ground the second the door closes, tears leak out of my eyes against my will. Thank 神様 I'm a silent cryer. My breath starts to hitch, I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I'm beginning to hyperventilate, my nails clawing at my skin drawing blood. I don't care that I'm bleeding, I don't care that I'm having a panic attack. I don't even try to stop it, I deserve this. I should've been stronger. Donnie is smart and would've completely dodged this situation, Leo is fast and could've gotten away, Raph is strong and would've been able to fight. I'm stupid, I'm slow, I'm weak, I couldn't do anything. My heartbeat is in my ears and I feel like I'm dying, it wouldn't be so bad if I died right now. Don't think like that Mikey. It's true though. If I'm dead no one will find out, my brothers won't get hurt. If I'm gone then it'll fix this. Everything will be OK. No, I won't think that way, my brothers love me. They would be devastated if I died.  Right? White begins to cloud my vision, I'm passing out. I need to clean the blood. I need to get up. I need-