The Light To My Darkness

1

Meave

Now

I remember when I didn't care at all about the way I look. Now all I see are a hundred things I wish I could change.
When my sister was still alive, she would tell me that the comments my mom made about my looks where just because of her jelousy.
But she isn't here anymore. Somehow I started to believe what my mother said. I still do.
Yet, today i decided to at least try to be more confident. My long auburn hair is open and my waves fall over my shoulders. I'm wearing my favorite black Baggy Jeans with a cute baby blue top.
I'm already preparing myself for my mom to critisize that I look fat in this top.
But for once I actually kind of like what I see in my mirror.
I force a small smile and tell myself that everything will be fine.
It's what I have done every morning for 6 years.

,,P-Please don't leave me here with them." I sobbed.
,,Meave, I won't be far away and you can always call me, okay?" I don't believe her. As soon as she has moved out my mother will rip what is left of me to pieces and there will be no one there to save me.
,,I have to go to work now, but I promise you Maeve, everything will be fine." Those were her last words to me and they were a lie. Nothing was fine. Not then, not now, not ever.

,,Meave? Are you coming? You'll be late for school!"
That enraged voice becomes louder every step I take down the stairs. I can't stand it.
,,I'm here, mom." I answer with an annoyed tone.
,,Good. I don't even know why you always take so long. You look like you just fell out of bed."
I'm really trying not to take her opinion to heart but but after so many years I just agree with her.
There is no point in fighting her.
,,And are you sure you want to wear that top?" She adds, her eyes full of judgment.
,,I like it."
,,Well. If you think so." After that she just dismisses it. Acts like nothing happened. Like she's a great mother, despite bullying her child.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

The walk to school isn't long. It's only ten minutes.
As soon as I enter the schoolyard, I hear a very familiar voice scream my name.
Immediatly a big smile spreads across my face.
,,Ave." I shout back as my best friend runs towards me.
,,God, I've missed you so much." She hugs me as if we hadn't seen each other for years, but it's only been a month. In her defense, that is very long for us.
,,I really missed you too. How was Paris?"
,,Mae, it was so great! I wish I could live there forever." She explains enthusiastically.
,,I can't believe we're actually seniors know."
,,I know right. It's crazy." I love how she pronounces everything she says so strongly.
Avery is unique and I'm very lucky to have her.

After we catched up we start making our way into the building. It feels weird. This is our last year at this school.
In our classroom Mr. Whitlock is already waiting for us. We may have wasted some time talking about what happened this last month. Luckily he doesn't seem mad.
Just like every year I sit down on my place next to the window in second row.
I notice that the place behind me is empty. Last year that was where Noah Conelly sat. Unsurprisingly he got kicked out of school after he drunkenly stole the headmasters car. I wonder who will be this years Noah. This will be hard to top.

As the classroom is completely full except the seat behind me, Mr. Whitlock begins to bramble about our senior year and how important it is.
He isn't even 2 minutes in his speech when the door bursts open.
Standing in the doorframe is a tall boy with a head full of blonde curls. It's not until he brushes some of his hair away that I see it.
Those eyes. Those beautiful green eyes.
It may have been 6 years but I would recognize those eyes everywhere.
,,Am I late?" His voice is so much deeper, but it still sounds like him.
,,Yes Mr.Valentine you are 12 minutes late. Please find a seat. Class, this is our new student Jasper."
Now Jasper finally looks in my direction, his eyes locking with mine. The scowl on his face softens a little. Or maybe I'm only imagining it.
Then he looks at the table behind me for a second until his gaze finds me again. As he makes his way there he doesent break eye contact. Not one time.
I can even feel his eyes boring into me from behind.
My heart is racing and it doesn't take long for Avery to notice it.
,,You know him?" She whispers in my ear but i stay quiet.
,,He's so hot."
She's right. He is hot. He was beautiful then but now he looks divine.
I played this moment out in my head for years. I wondered when I'd see him again. If I'd ever see him again.
And now he is here. Right behind me.
The only person that could ease my pain for a few minutes. After my sisters death I felt completely lost.
And then there was this boy that knew his mother might not make it and still wanted to comfort me.

After a few years I gave up on ever seeing him again.
I gave up on ever feeling anything but lost.
Maybe now there is a small chance for me to truly be happy again.