I'm Going Slightly Mad

Chapter Five

Aaron was not known for procrastination. If he had something to do, he did it without hesitation. He saw no reason to do otherwise.

Today, he decided to procrastinate.

It wasn’t a problem of willpower. He had more than enough of that. The problem was in execution. Namely: a lack of it. Or any idea how to figure it out. He was at a dead end, and he hadn’t even started yet. Brilliant.

Frustrated, he started going through his collected evidence.

So, he’d kissed Lucas, and he might’ve enjoyed it, if Lucas had been doing it just because he wanted to. The texture of his stubble was enjoyably new and exotic, and the knowledge that Lucas could overpower him on a whim had been exciting and somehow attractive. The thought of strong hands on his jaw, framing his face, pulling him close, sent a rush of heat through him that he simply couldn’t ignore. He clearly had no problem with kissing men.

At the same time, he remembered what it was like to kiss Jenna. Her soft, full lips, so warm and eager against his own. Her delicate cheekbones and the smooth skin of her face under his hands; her thick hair sifting through his fingers; running his hands along her sides, over the dip of her waist to the curve of her hipbones. Knowing he had total control was reassuring and more than enjoyable. And of course, breasts were a plus. If he were to date a man, he would definitely miss boobs.

Then, there was the matter of sex. If he were to date a man, it would inevitably lead to sex eventually, and there was really no way of knowing if he’d enjoy it or not. He couldn’t even imagine it, though, this was more out of lack of experience than anything. He’d never even watched any gay porn. Granted, he hadn’t watched any straight porn either, but by the time he’d figured out how to find porn, he was already having sex with some regularity, and felt no need to watch other people do it. Porn in general held no interest to him, but it might be worth checking out if it helped him solve this little conundrum. He filed that away to investigate later.

He already had more than enough evidence that he enjoyed sex with women. There was not a doubt in his mind about that. Without any experimentation with gay sex, though, he couldn't conclude that he liked one more than the other.

When it came down to it, he supposed it was all about attraction. Did he find men as attractive as women? Some men, maybe. Other guys routinely drew his eye, though he tried to ignore it. Coby, for instance. With his clear green eyes, pretty cheekbones, tanned skin, and dark hair, anyone, gay or straight or anywhere in between, would find him attractive. It was unfair how attractive he was, so he probably didn’t count. Lucas counted, though. If Lucas wasn’t his closest friend, would he find him attractive?

Lucas’s wavy tan hair was only styled half of the time. Usually he had obvious hat hair or bed head, but when he bothered to style it, he could look kind of cute. His square jaw and stubble were attractive in a rugged sort of way, and the one time Aaron had seen him without a shirt had not been bad at all. He was muscled, but not in the ugly, cartoony, bodybuilder kind of way. It was so subtle that you could hardly even tell until he took off his shirt. His butt wasn’t that great (not that Aaron looked at it that often!), which definitely took away some points. A nice ass was one of Aaron’s prerequisites for attraction. All in all, Lucas wasn’t Aaron’s type, but attractive all the same, the same thing he'd thought about many women over the years. Conclusion: he found some men attractive, and some women attractive.

Well, that hadn’t helped at all.

He groaned and buried his face in his pillow. This was useless. He wasn’t getting anywhere. He’d rather just lie here and sulk about Jenna leaving him. In his opinion, that was a great use of a weekend, but it was not to be. Just as he started drifting into a nap, his cell rang.