Blush |BTS JIMIN HIGH SCHOOL FF|

62

I stayed at Jimin's one more night before deciding to go back home. I'm mostly worried that my mom doesn't fall off the wagon. I can't pick her back up again. I can't pick myself up, let alone her.

'Hi.' I mumbled as I walked into the living room to find my mom on the sofa, curled up in a little ball under the soft blanket. I expected to find her to be a drunk mess, but she wasn't. She did seem tired, though.

Dark circles her her eyes tell me she didn't sleep much, and her puffy eyes are giving it away that she cried.

'Oh, honey.' She threw off the blanket and ran to me, hugging me tightly, crying as soon as she touched me. 'I'm so happy you came home.'

'I kind of had to. I can't just move in with Jimin.' I mumble, hugging hey back slightly. I'm still pissed off, but I've calmed down a lot in the last 2 days, mostly thanks to Jimin talking to me. Maybe it's easier to give advice when you're on the sidelines, but he sure did help a lot.

'I'm so sorry, honey. I've made so many mistakes in my life, but lying to you all this time... I don't know where to begin. I've messed up. Bad.' She kept sniffling on my shoulder

'You did. But from here on out, you're gonna do your best to be honest with me. I'd rather hear the shit truth than a pretty lie. Can we do that?'

'I promise. No more lies.' She pulled away, wiping her eyes. 'Would you like to sit down with me? You can ask anything.'

I nodded as there were a lot more things I didn't know, and we sat on the sofa, both of us pulling our legs up and covering ourselves with a blanket.

'Ask away, honey. I'll answer what I can.'

'Why? Why did you start drinking in the first place?'

She averted her face and gulped loudly, but she answered. 'After I have birth to you, I just felt overwhelmed. He worked a lot, so I spent a lot of the time alone. I was tired and stressed. Lonely. I just wanted to rest a bit, and one night, I drank a little, and it made me really relaxed and sleepy. That was the first night in months that I slept okay. And then that little turned into more and more without me even realising it. In no time, it turned from a solution into a problem, and I refused to let go of it.'

I took a deep breath purely to calm myself down. I don't wanna fight. I'm tired.

'And him? Did you not care for him? Were you not afraid for me? I was a baby.'

'Not that it's an excuse in any way, but when you're kind of lost in your own mind with the addiction, the consequences are not the first thing you think of. It's always the thought of how to make yourself feel better. Addiction makes you selfish. And that's exactly what it did to me. I loved him a lot. Truly. Even seeing him the other day, I still feel something. I don't think that's every going to go away. We were married after all. And he was always an amazing man.'

As much as I want to slap her, at least she's answering me honestly. I can see it with how ashamed she is by her own words.

'Have you had anything since you've been getting clean?' While she's honest

'No. But I wanted to. I'm kind of fighting it every single day, especially in days like last 2-3 days. It's hard, but I know I have to. I see what I've done so far. Not again. I can't.'

I just nodded, looking down at my fingers as I kept fiddling with them.

'Also, you should give Michael a chance. He truly is a good man. Even if he was not around, he cares a lot for you. He was crying for days after you were born with how happy he was. He is the one who gave you your name. He kept saying that you looked like an angel.'