𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐲

33 : Candle

— N o o r ' s P O V 𖤐

Life is weird.

Life is full of surprises.

Life is actually so unpredictable.

Sometimes life gives you so much happiness at once, you actually start to think that no one could have any better life than you. And sometimes it gives so much sorrows that it makes you think, all the pain in the world is poured upon you.

I shower cleanly and came out drying my hair with the towel. I slipped into my plain peach kurti and pants. I made a loose braid of my hair, leaving some hair locks dangling on my cheeks and neck messily.

4 years...its been 4 years now, when that one horrendous day changed my whole life. I never went to London back. I couldn't muster up the courage. I was surprised at myself, I was never like this. I have always being strong and I knew how to fight my problems. But I didn't had the strength to go back to London knowing I could cross path with him. But now that I think of it was so stupid of me to do so. I destroyed my everything and for whom ? for him ? He probably didn't even care. I doubt that if he actually had feelings for me or it was just that he was attracted towards me. The answer is the latter one I just know it. Because if you had feelings for someone, you won't let them go so easily.

He neither called me nor texted me, not that I was desperate for his call or text but this silly heart of mine, which was oh so in love with him, had a tiny tini hope that he would.

It was all my fault actually, I couldn't blame anyone and I didn't want to, when I knew that i was the one who got distracted. I was in London solely for studies. I trusted myself, that I wouldn't fall in all this love mess but i turned astray. I myself crushed my career and my dream of becoming a designer. And whatever happened to me it somewhere feels like I deserve it all. It's funny how one day, one freaking day changes your whole life right?

I moved down, crossing the living room. I headed towards the small garden of our home. I fisted my hands on the sprinkling can which was filled with water and started watering the plants.

I felt the sun on my face and smiled slightly basking in the sunlight's warmth.

I moved inside towards ammi's room which was downstairs. I entered the room to see ammi seated down on the prayer mat.

She was wearing hijab and her palms were open infront of her in the prayer position and her eyes were closed, her lips moving slowly, most probably because she was making dua.

I went towards her, sitting beside her, I side hugged her by snaking my arms around her frame and resting my head on her shoulder blade. I looked at her to see her smiling slightly, her eyes still closed and lips still moving. She kept one of her palm on my cheek and I kept my hand above it.

I would lie if I would say that these past 4 years were easy. Ammi was left devastated after knowing whatever happened in London. I told her every little thing. She was so heartbroken, and got almost a panic attack knowing that bhaijaan didn't come with me and I didn't know where he is. The dreadful scene were ammi was almost on verge of having a panic attack crossed my mind and I felt anger surging my veins. It was all because of him.

The way ammi again become so restless thinking how is her son ? in what condition he would be ? is he even safe ? all this made her so worried that she fell sick often. And I'm gonna blame all that on Addin.

The damage Addin did to me was beyond repair. I wouldn't say that my pain has gone by time but it did get lesser. I spent days and nights crying for a worthless person and eventually I stopped. He doesn't effect me anymore. I don't love him anymore.