Bad Habits - (Shouto x OC)

Experimenting...

Lani POV:

What is this feeling inside my chest?

No, this isn't right. I thought I'd lost the ability to have this feeling anymore. This weight of weakness. The one where it feels like the world is falling down on top of me.

Agh. It's been years, and I vowed I'd never let myself feel anything like this again. Because people hurt. They aren't trustworthy, and they are always looking for an excuse to stab you in the back. For that reason, I refused to get close to people. I refused to let them in and let them see the truth of who I was. But...

I always thought he was the exception. I thought he was different. It was only now, for the first time that I realized...

Shouto can hurt me, too.

I looked out the cafe window blankly as Shouto and Ella locked lips. The sight was one straight out of a romance movie. She was beautiful against the midnight sky and dim lights of the street lamps. Her arms were around his neck, and her height matched his well.

But, what hurt the most was that Shouto was still Shouto. He was awkward, not knowing where to put his hands, his eyes were even open halfway, but not rejecting. He seemed more curious than anything, like he was testing the waters of her kiss, and I was surprised. Because even when I think I'm just starting to understand Shouto, it's only then that I realize I don't understand a thing. Not about him, or about how I fit into his life.

And now I realized I didn't want to understand it. Because the truth is here in front of my eyes, and nothing else needs to be said. It hurts. And getting a look into his brain right now will most definitely hurt more than I thought. I don't want to hear his thoughts. I didn't need to, I had a pretty good idea on what he was thinking now, and it didn't have anything to do with me.

I shouldn't be upset. Not one bit. This was the purpose of the date, it's actually deemed more successful now than I thought. Ella and Shouto, two beautiful, successful people. That's how it's supposed to be.

Because Shouto is Shouto, and I am me. It would never work between us, and it's never supposed to work. I always knew it. But, I guess, I didn't realize until right now, how much that knowledge really tugged at my heart strings. How real it actually was.

I've always been in the background. And with him, I was a fool to think I was any different.

It's been years since I cried. But, that lump in my throat was unmistakably familiar. It brought back memories of the past, memories I wished I could forget forever. Because I used to do it all the time. I cried over everything because everything was horrible. My life was horrible, and the feeling was so empty, I told myself I'd never cry again.

And yet, the image of Shouto and Ella began to blur in my vision as hot, salty tears clouded it. The pain left a thick film in my mouth and my jaw clenched. I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder, recognizing it as Kai's.

"I'm sure you didn't see that coming." She uttered softly, causing me to blink away the tears quickly.

Kai's the only one who's ever seen me so weak. But, this is uncharted territory even for us. My feelings for Shouto are so complex, so vulnerable, that I'd rather just...

Shut down.

I sniffled quickly and cleared my throat as the tears left, turning away from the gut wrenching sight taking place outside the window. Kai's eyes were sympathetic, but I laughed them away emptily, giving a shrug as I walked back towards the kitchen.

"Hah, what? Of course I saw it coming. That was the whole purpose of tonight. Duh." I said nonchalantly, hearing Kai sigh as she followed me.