Bad Habits - (Shouto x OC)

The Man

Shouto POV:

The hours of last night stretched out longer than usual.

I've always had insomnia. From the moment I was old enough to understand my place in the world, and from the moment I was old enough to understand what nightmares were, I've never been able to sleep soundly throughout the night.

I went to the doctor for it a few years ago because I was convinced I was dying, or maybe had another quirk I didn't know about that made me immune to being tired. But, instead the doctor called it 'insomnia.'

She said that certain things in my life can make it worse. When I was younger, my insomnia used to be caused by my father and flashbacks of our training sessions. But, as time goes by, I find those flashbacks less scary and memorable in my mind, and I'm grateful for that. Now I usually get the insomnia when thinking about what I want for lunch the next day. Or when I think about my mom and how she's doing in the hospital.

It never really goes beyond that, but last night, it did. Well, not just last night, but the last few weeks—the last month, to be exact. Because that's how long Lani has been in my life.

My insomnia has now been caused by thoughts of her more than once, and last night was no exception. After the date with Ella, after Lani left without any explanation, I did the only thing I could think to do at the moment—which was go home. I barely remember the subway ride back, as I'd been glued to my phone screen, waiting for Lani to respond to my text message. The one that I sent when leaving the cafe. The one that said 'where are you?'

I didn't just want her to respond. I needed her to. Because my thoughts were spiraling, and I had things to tell her. Because I was confused, and I knew that she would work it out for me like she always does. She would pull the thoughts from my brain, the ones I'm always unable to and form them into words. She'd translate all my trailed off thoughts and half sentences because she always does. Because she understands me, and she is my comfort.

But, once the subway ride ended, and I landed in the door of my apartment, my text was still unanswered. I never cared to check my phone until I met her, and even more than that, I never cared if people didn't respond to my messages—mostly because I never responded to their original message in the first place.

Lani's silence left me stressed, winded, and completely not tired even though it had been close to midnight when I got home. So, after my shower, I called her. She didn't answer. Once I brushed my teeth and settled down in my bed, I called her again.

And she didn't answer that time either.

Why did she leave? Why did she leave the cafe?

The question wouldn't stop playing in my mind, but more than that, my own revelations from the night—from the kiss I had played even louder. For the first time in my life, I felt strongly about something—someone, and it didn't have anything to do with the person I actually kissed. My emotions were certain, and it was impossible to deny that...there might be something more...

I think...I have feelings for Lani.

And because I've never really had these types of feelings for anyone, I don't know what to do with them. I'm still not even sure what they mean myself, just that they're there. Just that something is there. But...

Whatever this is, it's intense. It's....I've never felt something so intense for someone in my life. I didn't know I was capable of it. Is...is this how people feel? Is this why they...date? And why those couples in the lines for Disneyland rides act weird?

Groans of frustration replayed from my mouth over and over as I tossed and turned for hours, continuously checking my phone for any signs of Lani's presence.