Behind those icy blue eyes

Chapter 32 Ready to love

Grayson

       The door opened with a sinister creak as he stepped inside. The maps, that had lined one side of the wall, were gone. Frames, that were covered by ruby red silk cloths, now hung in their place.

       Hesitantly, he walked over to the wall. He had never thought of who he loved in his life, and who he didn't. His brothers, aunt, and Avery were bound to be hanging there. But how else would he find? Anyone else? Maybe no one else. Avery was right, he didn't love or trust easily, but when he did, it was a love that no one could break. An underlying, selfless, willing-to-die-for-you, kind of love. There weren't many people on that list, or were there?

        Slowly, with a determination that couldn't stop him, he carefully pulled back one of the cloth off. Underneath was a painted portrait of Nash. Grayson couldn't explain the feeling of relief and joy when he saw it. Nash was his favorite brother, if he had one-which he did. He liked all of them, but Nash had always had a soft spot in Grayson's heart. Even if he did call him little brother, reminding him of who was the older one.

       The next one was unsurprisingly Alexander-Grayson's second favorite brother. Even though in the form of a painted piece, Grayson remembered the photo very clearly. Standing next to the biggest gold Ruberg Grayson had ever seen, Xander beamed at the camera. Grayson had been the one to capture his brother's amazing invention on film. Their grandfather had said to Xander could that he could picked a professional to take the picture. Thankfully, there was already one in the house.

       Grayson didn't just enjoy taking pictures of people and images standstill. He loved capturing things in motion as well. He had many photos of Xander building his inventions piece by piece. Leaves falling from the trees, downpouring rain as it hit the ground. Birds flying in midair. Horses running along the Parrie, and so much more.

       The next frame was of Jameson. He and his brother didn't always get along, but he felt a sense of easement in his chest when it was confirmed that he did love him. Of course, he did, but for a moment he was afraid that he maybe didn't. At least not the way he should.

       His breath caught in his throat when he saw who was behind the next frame. Avery. Standing in the flower garden, dressed in a white and red flowered summer dress, she looked so beautiful. So radiant. Her eighteenth birthday picture, Grayson remembered being so honored that she had chosen him to be the one to take it. A feeling of sadness filled his stomach. He loved her, it was confirmed. But he would never be able to have her the way he desired. She had been chosen by another. He had stepped back because he knew that it had been the right thing to do. Part him wondered if he had pushed more, been more, would Avery had chosen him. Another one of those what-if moments. Another instant that you would never know what might have happened.

       He didn't linger but proceeded on. Going down the wall, he took off another of the red silk cloth off to revel more people. Aunt Zara, Nan, Alisa, Oren, his Uncle Toby, and then he stopped when he uncovered a portrait of his grandfather.

      Why his breathing became harder, he didn't know. He thought he had loved the old man, but as he began to grow up and started being pushed harder and harder; he didn't feel the love he used to feel for his grandfather. Anger, bitterness, and resentment filled the place. The old man didn't listen to him. Made him feel like he had to be the best, and if he wasn't, he was a failure. And Grayson couldn't stand to fail. So why was he hanging on this wall?  The wall that was designated for all the people that Grayson loved.

        Maybe, because deep down, Grayson still loved him. Despite all trauma, neglect, and hardship he had endured, because of his grandfather, he knew that he was trying to make them the best that they could be. Pushed them to put each other first, and not themselves. Gave them the world, opportunities, and adventures. But most of all, even when he found out that his grandfather hadn't even applied the principle he had taught them to himself, he knew, with his whole heart, that his family was the most important thing to him in the world. No matter what, he knew he could rely on his brothers, Avery, and even Gigi and Savannah for support and love when he needed it. 

        And there were times he really needed it.

        Going further down, he uncovered a picture of Emily Laughlin. He focused on his breathing and not the fact that the girl he had loved was dead because of him, and her picture hung on the wall. He was so blinded by love that he didn't see her manipulative and controlling side of her. Or maybe he did but didn't care. All he wanted was to make her happy. Give her the opportunities that she was never able to experience because of her heart. He had tried so hard to protect her and love her. In the end, it was what had killed her. If he hadn't said yes to go cliff jumping. If he hadn't been as reckless, maybe she would still be alive. Maybe.

       There were three frames left. He unveiled them to find it was of Gigi, Savannah, and Acacia, his sister's mother and his stepmother. A small, happy smile crossed of his lips as he stared at the people before him. 

       He had only met them about a month ago, but it felt like he had known them his whole life. Gigi, with her sunshine spirit and love for cats and coffee-the former she should not be given! Grayson's heart melted like ice when she was with him. She made him smile and enjoy life. But most of all, she made him feel. Feel like he wasn't alone anymore. Feel happy and alive inside. And feel like, for the first time in a while, that he belonged.

        Then there was Savannah. Practically 2.0 of himself. She had the same blond hair and same color blue eyes as himself. She acted like him as well. Stern, confident, self-assured, and willing to do anything to protect the people that she loved. Thye didn't always get along, but both wanted to keep Gigi safe and that is what brought them together.

       And then Acacia. She had every reason to despise him. He was the result of his father cheating on her. He should have never existed, but she loved him anyway. She told him he was welcome in her home, and even wanted him to come over and be with her and his sisters. He never really had a mother, but if he did, she would have been the person he would have wanted.

      Standing back, he slightly admired the frames of people before him. For most people, having thirteen framed painting of all the people that you loved might not seem like a lot, but to Grayson it was.

      There were two persons that he didn't notice. One he was very glad was not on that wall, and another he wished was.

        The former was Skye, his mother. He wished he loved her the way he did with his aunt, or even Acacia, but he couldn't. She was hardly around his life at all, and acted in a way that most people would call unacceptable for a mother to behave. She was in and out of the house all the time, never spent any real quality time with him or his brothers, and lastly, and most importantly to Grayson, she tried to have Avery killed. Nobody tries to harm a person that Grayson loves and gets away with it.

       The other person was Eve. She had made him a fool and tried to get him over on her side. He hated to admit it, but it had worked. She looked just like Emily. Acted just like her. He wanted her to be Avery, but most of all, he wanted to right the wrong he had done to Emily. If he could help her, then maybe he could find peace with himself. He had never truly lover her, and he never would. Grayson Hawthorne wouldn't be made a fool again. And if that meant breaking her poor little heart, then so be it.

       He found an outer worldly feeling of solace pass over him as he admired what was before him. He did love people. He was afraid that it maybe wasn't in him. That because of everything he had went through and lost, he could love the way he wanted to. Wished to. But this was proof enough that he did have it in him, and he could try to love again.

     Encouraged, he was ready. Ready for whatever his dream had in store for him. Ready to be the best. Ready to confront his demons head on. Ready to love.