Once More, Love 2

03. Self Destruct

Jeongyeon's POV

JINJJA.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

I sniff in both because of the cold weather and the tears that have been occasionally falling from my eyes here and there for the past hour. I am now in the middle of the night park where Nayeon and I went yesterday. My legs just brought me here without a proper thought.

I lightly shake my head and laugh at myself. "Seriously. What am I doing here?"

I am even sitting at the very same bench that we spent some time doing nothing and staring into nothingness and enjoying that nothingness together. Ugh. And here I thought I can't go any more insane than I was yesterday.

I prolong a sigh as I look down at my lap. No soft hands tapping my toned thigh. No cute pinky gently touching my pinky.

I even glance over my right shoulder. No pretty bunny to my side that I can adore all I want. No small head placed over my shoulder that I can lean on to. And surely no sweet voice humming over the deafening white noise in this sweet but now painful place.

I chuckle some more at myself like an officially crazy guy. "Yeah. This is exactly why I told myself I never wanted to fall for someone again. Look at how these feelings are making a fool out of me."

Feeling helpless and hopeless, I lean on the backrest of the metal bench as I slowly close my eyes and inhale generously the fresh air that a certain bunny seemed to fancy a lot. I let my shoulders slump as I slouch to let the base of my head fall back comfortably on the top of the backrest. "I don't even want to start thinking how this is going to be a long night."

And I just stayed like that for who knows how long.

I don't care how late it might be. I don't care how many people would look at me and think that I'm a homeless person or a drunk who has luckily made his way to a decent bench and has fallen asleep in the middle of a park.

I just need this moment to myself.

I just need this silence and this peace and this familiar air so that I can barely survive the first hours of being a brokenhearted mess.

I purposely left my phone in my car so that no one could distract me. I'm not going to need it for anything else right now anyway. That mobile device has finally found a good purpose of connecting me to the most lovable girl on earth and now it has officially lost that purpose after a very short amount of time.

A small smirk drew to my face in realization of the thought. "I never knew my phone was also Nayeon's hostage until now. I wonder what else I gave reign to her without knowing myself."

I certainly am not excited to discover some more of those aspects of my life that she already has taken over. I know I'm going to learn how much more of me has that bunny successfully taken control over as this awful brokenhearted time goes and passes by.

I let my mind wander as I relax myself in this false serenity. I wonder how long it will take for me to forget her. I wonder how hard it is going to be just for me to forget her.

"Uggghhh." I whine under my breath. "I know for sure it's going to be hard."

But, can I even actually do that?

"Jinjja!" I furiously ruffled my hair and cried like a kid. "This is so frustrating!"

Hmm... what if— Maybe— Maybe, I should go to a bar after this?

I subtly chuckle at my thoughts. But that's not a bad idea, right? Maybe I should pick up some random girl and let someone heat up my body after four days of not getting laid.