We Conquer Thee

Lost Touch

"Oh sweet boy.. how soft your fur.." her voice sang.

I giggled at her hands massaging my ears and playfully shook out before nipping at her arms. Her laughter filled the air. A sound I had nearly forgotten.

"My little wolf, how precious you are to me. You will accomplish so much in your life." She picked me up and cradled me. Her hands playing with the pads of my paws.

"Never become what plagues you. It will be difficult and you may lose touch, but hold on to those around you. They will keep you grounded."

She continued to play with my paws and began humming a tune. Whining softly I nuzzled against her enjoying the warmth she brought.

She rocked slowly, dancing with me in her arms.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me ha-"

I woke abruptly, sobs slipping past my lips as tears stained my face.

My mother. A memory that was long forgotten. Emotions swirled in me as her words replayed over in my head. Becoming what plaques me.

I sat up and glanced at Raven as he still slept. The sun was barely breaking the treeline and just faintly illuminating the room. Quickly pushing away the covers, I made my way out of bed and into the vacant hall.

I heard the hiss of a kettle in the kitchen but I couldn't tell who it was. I crept closer and peered in to see Ash standing before the stove. His hair was disheveled and his shirt hung slightly off his shoulder.

Guilt crept into my gut as I watched him.

Hold on to those around you. I felt conflicted with this energy that pleaded to overcome me. The anger was barely a whisper now and I felt I had better control over my thoughts. That wolf in those flashbacks. Was that a warning? My paws had begun to turn black just as that rage consumed me whole.

Maybe. I am going about this wrong.

I watched Ash pour a cup. His mate is most likely still away sleeping. Perhaps Ash struggled to rest as well? He is another white wolf. He too holds great powers that he doesn't quite know.

My sigh started him and he spun around nearly spilling his tea.

"Good morning, Ash"

He was afraid. A hand gripped the countertop as he calmed his breath. "Uh.. good morning."

I have made a mistake. The weight of my words, my commanding of the pack with Raven, the way I have viewed everything and everyone. Is this all beyond repair?

I glanced down at the floor as I chose my words, today was supposed to be bonding with Raven but perhaps it would be good for Ash to come along as well?

"I um, am not sure your plans today.. but Raven and I are heading into town. I am hoping to get some answers on what powers we possess by doing some reading at the library. If you would like to join us you are more than welcome to." I met his eyes again as his expression morphed into one of confusion.

"..You want me to come along?"

"If you want. Seth can come too."

His eyes shifted down to his mug and he took a small sip.

Was this too forward? Should I apologize first? This doesn't really seem like the right time for it. I don't know what I am doing or when my thoughts will shift again.

"Um.. let me speak with Seth if that's alright" He took another sip, " But I think it would be nice to figure out what we are."

"As do I. It would greatly help us know what to prepare and how to better train ourselves. I -" words got caught in my throat and I didn't know how to proceed. I coughed slightly and turned away.

"I.. um.. am sorry you don't think I'm good enough."

My eyes met Ash once more and for a moment I felt as if I was staring at myself. My breath hitched as I watched his eyes drop and fill with sorrow. An emotion I had battled with when I felt at my weakest and that no one would ever see the strength I held.

"No. I messed up, Ash." My wolf inside perked up, his ears pressed forward as he honed into the conversation. "I'm sorry. I am struggling with something inside of me. Things I want to tell you but I don't even know where to start. This heat builds up inside and my only focus is saying things and doing things that will hurt and it doesn't matter who it's to. It doesn't excuse my behavior but I am beginning to realize that maybe the best way to control it.. is to talk about it instead of hiding. I am so sorry for what I have said to you and your mate. I know I have a lot I need to do to repair what I have broken but I am going to try to fix everything best I can."

Ash looked stunned and I could hear a content sigh from my wolf. He turned around and set his mug down, staring down at the liquid.

"Then let's start over, Dustin. Would you like to join me for a cup of tea?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"I think I would like that."

We moved from the kitchen to a table. Both of us holding onto our cups, unsure of what to say next. The air was awkward and the silence felt deafening. I drank some of the tea and planned my words.

"How are you adjusting to being here?"

My wolf rolled his eyes, Small talk. Really? he snickered

Shut it! I don't know what else to talk about!

Maybe take this chance to open up to him a bit? He pondered

"I am really enjoying it." Ash smiled, " Everyone has generally been very nice to me. I quite like Juiliet as well."

I hummed in response. "She is a great one to have around."

Silence fell upon us again as we continued to enjoy the hot beverage. Maybe my wolf is right? Open up to him.

"What you saw me do when we escaped.. I think that pertains to what surges inside me."

Ash looked up from the table, " It was terrifying. I thought you would kill me.. just like yesterday, too"

I grimaced at the comment. "It feels like I can't control it. There is a fire lit constantly and some moments it is just a burning match and other days it rages like a forest fire. It has gotten progressively worse these past few days."

"Anger?" Ash frowned "I can feel it when it happens. The energy around you shifts. Right now I barely sense anything. The world feels calm and at peace." He paused to drink more " When did this start?"

"I have always been angry but it came in brief moments and I often never acted upon it. But ever since our kidnapping, I feel it so much more. Even now I know it's there just waiting to ignite inside of me. My only goal becomes causing pain."

"And it gives you a god complex. You were rivaling the packs Alpha and Luna with the rules you and Raven set the other day. No one even tried to fight it."

I slumped against the table, letting my head rest against the wood.

"I haven't been able to talk about this much. This was the first moment I felt almost completely calm and level-headed. I think we have both been through things we need to address or maybe come to terms with."

A small bit of weight was lifted from my shoulders as the awkwardness disappeared. Thinking back to our escape I had tried and thought to protect Ash and then the next moment I wanted to kill him. I need to find that desire and need again.

"I agree. I haven't fully overcome everything that has happened.. and I was a rogue for a time too. But I'm just glad I have found my mate and Guardian. He has helped me overcome a lot lately." Ash sighed with a small smile on his lips.

I sat up again and stiffened at the mention of mate. The flicker burned a bit brighter and Ash's smile shifted to a slight frown.

"I feel a change in the energy." He seemed to pause for a moment, " Is that the anger?" he asked.

I nodded, not trusting my words.

"Okay- so something I said triggered this, yes?"

Gazing down, I nodded again.

"Alright.. let me figure this out." Ash glared at the table and not a moment later he gasped with shock " It's the mate thing! Oh my gosh. I forgot about what had happened between you and Jason." He slumped slightly. "I didn't mean to!"

"It isn't your fault. I think it is hard to see you two because of how well your dynamic is. I wish I had what you both have."

Ash reached his scarred arm toward me and rested his palm over mine. "I will be more mindful of what I say."

"I promise you, Ash. So will I."


~*~

It has been a long few years of hiatus. I never thought I would come back but another writer's work inspired me to keep going. I deeply apologize for this massive delay and am working to push out updates again.

Also, apologies for typos. I do not have an editor and do this myself but I have been going through and editing out errors from previous chapters.

- Do you think Dustin can redeem himself?

- Has the things he said been all because of what is surging inside of him?

- Any ideas on what gods these two might be?