An escape from one reality to another.
A vessel transporting my life onto paper.
This seems to relieve my pain,
For only a bit.
I question the reality that this escape brings me to.
I wonder what I'll do with a crumpled piece of paper.
These words are too heavy for them,
Too heavy for me.
I wish to stay in this escape, in another reality.
I hope to throw away any trace that leads to me.
Because the only one who would take the blame,
Is me.
You ask where I've gone, who I've become.
You ask why I make up stories in my head for fun.
You ask how I'm able to become such a failure.
You never ask if I am okay.
So I'll seek elsewhere for help.
Someone who will listen.
Someplace I can be free.
Something that won't feel the weight.
And maybe this time I won't fall for your tricks.
Maybe I won't continue to be drawn to your forgiveness.
Maybe I'll stick up for myself instead of being afraid.
Maybe I'll have the strength to do so.
If I wasn't so gullible.
If I wasn't so forgiving.
If I wasn't so scared.
Maybe I could.
But the second I try to voice how I feel
The moment I try to fit your expectations
To be that perfect person that you want me to be
I break down into millions of pieces.
Over and over again I feel that pain.
Because I can't let go.
I'm broken
And I can never be fixed.
So thank you for being the person you told me not to be.
Not a healer.
Thank you for showing me what love is.
Love is pain.
Thank you for a life's worth of mental suffering
And built up angst that only turns into tears
Rather than the loud and reckless voice of yours.
And I can't fix it.
Until I ever do,
I will continue to dump the pieces of my heart
onto blank spaces that will never feel the weight.
And if they break, it's not my fault.
